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This weekend was all about sound for me. I organized a special “introduction to Kundalini” class for my yoga teacher’s in training. The class, very focused on energy pathways and vibrations, ends with a gong meditation. The half hour devoted to savasana with the deep rich sounds of a gong being tapped over and over, filling the room with this amazing vibration is felt deep in your gut. The process is moving in a way I can’t describe. You have to experience it. I had forgotten how much loved the gong elemet of class the last time I brought this teacher to ReFlex. I’ve been looking at a huge gong for sale on craigslist for several months, but I just didn’t want to invest in more teaching materials at this time. This particular gong hasn’t sold due to a small crack on the outer edge (and I guess not a lot of people are looking for a 3 foot gong) and because it is a bit beat up. These gongs are usually 1600 new, and this one was on sale for 300. But I was so inspired by the class I called the seller that night, drove to Tampa and picked it up – talking him down to 200 due to the gong’s condition and the fact that it hadn’t moved after being listed for months. So I have a big ol’ gong of my own. I can’t wait to add gong meditaton to my classes now. 

(The gong has been sitting against a wall in my meditation room for two days. We plan to hang it tonight. Need a special big hook to keep it away from the wall to clear vibration – then its the gong show for me when I feel its time to make some noise! Think I can gong dancers when they don’t point their feet since it’s there in the room????)
  
The next day, I hosted a Kirtan at my ReFlex – also a part of my wanting to expose each group of yoga teacher’s in training to the vast shades and approaches to yoga. 




My training program is very diverse and focused on  studying not one method of yoga that the students are taught to regurgitate as teaches, but a broad look at the big picture of yoga. I think it is important teachers develop a wide berth of knowledge and then use your instincts and what resonates within to find their unique “voice” as a teacher. Anyway, for those that don’t know, a Kirtan is a musical event where people gather to chant, sing indian songs (usually in sanskrit), feel the vibration created by a collective group and to meditate. It can feel a bit new-agey weird to some newbies, and occasionally people are resistant to singing songs that are heavily hindu oriented – they are not sure they want to sing Hare Krishna over and over again, but I do what I can to put the event in perspective so students can enjoy the experience either academically or spiritually. It is all a matter of each student remembering to keep an open mind and consider this element of yoga as an exercise in tapping into your inner emotions and energy levels – a musical exploration.  Whether enjoying Kirtan becomes an embraced part of each student’s practice is entirely up to them – but they should experience it.
I always  adore the Kirtans at ReFlex. I love seeing the room fill up with people and witnessing  their reactions to the songs. Some people get deeply into the music, and others observe conscientiously and just enjoy the unity of everyone gathering. Others are  self-conscious and silent. Others just let go and let their voices ring out – even badly. There are always a few hippy Kirtan groupies. They are fun to have around because they are enthuasiastic and they jump in clapping or singing. The way they relish each chant is like watching someone who loves chocolate sink their teeth into a great truffle. Bliss. If you are a student of nature and people (I surely am) there is a great deal to observe and appreciate in a unique event like a kirtan – especially when you note the difference between those that are attending for the first time and those that make Kirtan a regular part of their lives.

David plays both guitar and sitar (and indian instrument that is like a guitar). He bought me a guitar when we first started dating and we only recently have gotten around to his teaching me to play.


I’ve had to lose the lovely fingernails because I just can’t press down on the frets with my former groomed talons, and after every lesson, the tips of my fingers smart. But  I’m cool with the small beauty sacrifice because it is fun to learn something new – even if I have doubts I’ll ever be very good. I look forward to playing well enough to bring my guitar into a yoga class to play softly during meditations or to guide others in a musical om or chant. I have a teacher who does that now and again and many students feel music makes for a richer yoga experience. As soon as I get the basics down on the guitar, I’m planning to learn the harmonium too. That’s an easier instrument to play and a great addition to a kirtan or yoga event should I want to run one myself later. 
Anyway, music is the next frontier for me….. I’m even starting to sing again. I’ve discovered that when I am not aiming to be “onstage” as when singing for theater, my voice rings out clear and easy and softly in tune. Funny, I hated singing when I felt the purpose was to entertain others. Too much pressure to be good. When I just sing for myself, it feels natural and right. I think that kind of singing comes from a more organic place because it derives from a totally different intention. 
Makes sense because as I make evidently clear to my yoga students, intention defines what life is all about. Intention is the true judge of character, action, and purpose. But enough yoga-speak. 
The big question is…… Does the girl with the biggest gong win? ( because mine is a bit bigger than the Kundalini teachers, for the record…. 
      

Last weekend, I taught a huge chair yoga therapy workshop at ReFlex. Teacher’s training has become a significant focus for my business. Helping teachers understand & organize material, enhance their communication skills, and get a broader scope of their profession  seems to be my gift. I love the work – love guiding intelligent, passionate adults who expand the envelop and strive to learn new things. I love the subject of yoga and spending a weekend totally immersed in education & movement and laughter. I love the intimate connection and friendships I form with these holistic, warm-hearted people – the jokes, taking tea breaks, the questions and the way everyone offers insight and provoking thought as they share their experiences. Students seem to be extremely happy with my courses and my reputation as a teacher’s teacher is growing. It’s fair to say that this has become my niche in regards to yoga and my role as a director of a dance and yoga studio. I’m working now to add additional programs – in both dance teacher’s training and yoga training. Most importantly, I feel passionate about the subjects, I enjoy the work, and I feel I’m contributing in a major way to others. This is what one calls, “right livelihood.” It feels good on every level.


I’ve taught 3 Registered yoga teacher 200 hour programs so far, and trained over 45 yoga teachers just in this first year. I’ve taught 5 aerial yoga workshops and certified over 100 yoga teachers in this new technique at the same time. And now… I’ve moved on to include chair yoga certification. Last weekend was my first 20 hour course and I had 26 people attend. 

I tend to put come up with ideas for training far in advance. I do the marketing, and get my personal certification, training and experience necessary to be well versed in the subject, but I don’t always have time to plan exactly what I want to do in my course that differs from what I’ve been exposed to. Then, I wake up one day and think – heck, I have a bunch of teachers enrolled for a course in 10 days and don’t have notes or a syllabus or a plan or …..  shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
And I hustle and pour myself into the subject and because I feel inadequately prepared, I over-prepare and before you know it, I’ve covered the subject well beyond what others might bother to do. I always give ten times more than necessary – but that feels right and true to me. It’s kinda my dharma to give wholely as a teacher and to prod and poke a subject to explore the nooks and crannies of the material that others might overlook.  I sit down with coffee and a notepad and write everything I needed to know to become a dynamic,confident and well-versed teacher of the subject. I list everything I felt is/was missing from my training or education to get there. Then I set about figuring out how to fill in the blanks so my students don’t have to struggle to figure it out the hard way or through mistakes, and so they never walk away feeling the course was not worth the investment of time or money. 

In the case of chair yoga, I took a course a year ago in Orlando for certification. I was gravely disappointed because we didn’t really learn anything more than a few obvious poses and easy stretches. I hated that I spent so much and took precious time away from my life to attend a course that gave me nothing more than a piece of paper allowing me to teach chair yoga officially. We never discussed chairs or the common health issues that would cause a person to be chair bound or anything else pertinent to the special population that is drawn to this kind of class. I spent the weekend feeling like the instructor was just trying to fill time with anything to keep us busy – she reviewed basic yoga philosophy and talked about chakras as if we never heard of them, but we didn’t learn anything we didn’t already know as trained yoga teachers. I  thought, Man, if I taught this course, I’d add all kinds of anatomy & physiology about sitting, and I’d discuss the mindset of people with limitations. I’d explore chairs and all the different kinds of chairs people might be in when taking a chair yoga class. I’d divide the subject into three levels – level one for the severely impaired or elderly, level two for people who need a chair just because of wrist issues or a knee or hip replacement that makes it hard for them to get to the mat, and I’d spend a brief time on level three using a chair to show what you can do for an advanced practice (and cover Iyengar theory material.) 

A year later, I found myself planning to teach the course – and I chose to do it my way. I started doing research, writing notes and I created a course that included all I wished I had been taught when I took the certification. Two nights before the class I had David meet me at the studio to take last minute pictures of poses I wanted to cover – it was just easier than writing a description of each and every pose. I didn’t have make-up on, my hair wasn’t up, and I wasn’t dressed as I might have been had I planned for pictures , but for all practical purposes, it was just what I needed to finish my notes. We even took pictures in a wheelchair…
(I’ll take better pictures when I turn this into an official book or notes – and I’ll lose 5 pounds first – eeek, I’m getting old!) I came up with an easy to follow set of notes and the session turned out everything I imagined and more. Cool!


(David was like – why do I have to be the old fart in the wheelchair!)

I purchased a wheelchair on craigslist the week before, and had the teachers explore the limitations of that seat. Whoever used the wheelchair in practices could not get up – which was a great stretch for both the student and the teacher’s working in a teaching practium (practicing teaching) as well. I dragged in office chairs and chairs with arms, and had 26 folding chairs, including 8 chairs with the back removed (Iyengar chairs) for the traditional chair yoga practice. I assigned David the anatomy portion of the class, and he did his usual remarkable research to prepare a two hour lecture on ailments and limitations of aging bodies on day on
e, and he gave a very involved pranayama lecture and practice (breathwork) on day two. I had the students watched a video on yoga therapy that I believed would help the teachers consider the body/mind connection and increase awareness of the average chair yoga student’s mental state and the special complications and challenges of teaching yoga to handicapped, elderly, or physically challanged people. We discussed pain management and stress and how to help students handle that as well. All told, it was a hugely successful weekend. I look forward to teaching a chair workshop again next summer, if not before then. 
 

So, what’s next? I’m going to get pre-natal yoga certified in an 85 hour course in San Francisco this fall. I will carve our 8 days even though that will be hard on many levels, to take a trip to get this accomplished in the most practical way. I will be alone in San Francisco (a place I love) for 8 long days, but I will use my down time to write or draw in my room – to reflect and get some much needed peace and quiet. I will come home with more skills to share with my customers and students. I’ll layer this subject into my upcoming RYT 500 course (Something I’m offering next fall that is taking me a year to prepare for) and as a special 85 hour training course. At the same time, I’m enrolled in a year long ayurveda course in California to become an ayurveda counselor starting this september (and in year two I’ll take the advanced practioner course if I love what I’m learning). I’m jumping into this wholistic medical approach to the mind/body connection because I’m facinated with the subject. Ayureveda includes herbology, energy systems of the body and alternative medicine. I’m figuring, for my purposes, I will use this training as a teacher more than as a practioner. But I would like to add ayureveda services to the school and I intend to make ayureveda approaches to health a huge part of my yoga 500 hour program. And I’m even open to the possibilities of creating and manufacturing products (soap, shampoo etc….) with a certified organic ayurveda base. Or writing about ayurveda processes. Who knows what I’ll do with the education in the end. I just know that everything I learn helps me grow as a person and as a teacher. And it makes me feel alive. Studying health makes you conscientious. You apply the theories and principals to your own world – you become healthier, more grounded and emotionally balanced because everyday you are reading, sharing and discussing these concepts. It is good to feel alive, and to know that there is a new discovery around every corner if you just approach life with an open mind and heart. Keep your eye on what counts – ya know. It is not about how much I can squeeze out of each training or experience for business purposes (that is the side benefit and how I can afford this ongoing discovery process) – It’s more about how this new path fuels me and gives me tools to share what I believe and have learned experimentally about life and balance with others. Life at long last for me is all about sincere connections – connections between people that are intimate and authentc, connections between our history and our future and how it all fits in, and the connection of who we are with what we do – it is living with pure intentions, and assuring your actions are not self serving or filled with justifications, and instead you act in a way that supports a life of integrity and purpose.  At least, that is my motto.
So far, so good.  

Well… I’m no Rembrandt, but I’m holding my own in my drawing class. It is humbling to tackle something new at my age, yet fun too, because who cares how perfect each attempt is when you are just exploring the pencil for the first time? I’ ve moved from drawing squares and globes to hats and stumps on class 3 & 4. Next week, I’m told we will be doing what my teacher calls a “still life suicide.” He places three objects together one after the other to challange you with proportion an perspective and then throws a sheet over everything and you rdraw over your objects until the picture evolves to look like water that shows what is underneath. He says it is sometimes so frustrating everyone wants to kill themselves (thus the name of the exercise.) We’ll see. . . .
    


It’s enough to make you want to drink your still life!

I ended up with 5 young lovebirds that sucessfully hatched. Watching them grow and change has been a kick. One baby hatched a full 8 days after the first bird arrived, so I have the luxury of seeing the young birds in different developmental stages side by side, making the miracle of their evolution obvious. They are just now feathering out, and they all have open eyes at last, but they still have a long way to go to look like normal birds. They are tiny, silent, and stay huddled in their dark nest all day. The parents spend most of the day outside enjoying their freedom, probably because 5 young birds huddled together create the warmth necesary to keep them thriving. 
It is time I start hand feeding  them if I want them to grow up extremely tame, but I worry that I’m so busy I may not be able to keep up with the schedule, so I’m not sure I should take over. It’s been an incredibly busy summer. But in the midst of all the work and hustle of my days, I always make time to check my lovebird nest – even if it is only for a stolen moment. Just goes to show there is always something simple to delight in if you slow down long enough to appreciate the little things.



Only a week ago they looked like aliens! Now they are adorable… in a dinosaur descendant sort of way.

I have always been an artist (a dancer and a writer in a formal sense.) Creativity has always come second nature to me. I’ve explored (and in many cases was fairly good at) fiber arts, sewing, crafting, cooking, and other forms or artistic expression…. My idea of fun as a kid was to tat (make lace from scratch), do embroidery, calligraphy, crochet, or make handmade placemats or picture frames. I’ve made jewelry, wine, and taken all sorts of pottery, folk craft or handcraft classes just to toy with different mediums. I dress with a touch of creativity too (much to my conservative mother’s dread.)  I’ve also been uniquely creative in regards to thinking outside of the box when building a business. My marketing, program design and the way I live life in general often veers off the traditional path. Yep, I’ve always been a creative sort of person. 

In case you didn’t catch just how small these babies are (about the size of my thumb nail) here is the mother in comparrison. She is only about half the size of a biscuit. This is so cool! 

THEY’RE HATCHING!!!!!

We are having fun now. 
On mother’s day, David bought me a couple of lovebirds sitting on eggs (I saw them on Craigslist while looking for a bigger “outdoor” cage for my parrot).  My heart felt drawn to a little animal adventure, missing the exploratory nature of my life on 50 acres in Georgia, and the moment I shared my longing, David said, “Get in the car…. Let’s just go get them.” So we did.
I was excited those first few weeks the lovebirds were on the porch, but after 5 weeks it was clear the eggs were not going to hatch, so I removed them. I assumed when I purchased and moved the mother and her clutch from one house to another, the anxiety and the jostling of a new environment and being shaken while carried in and out of a car was responsible.  I figured, since lovebirds only lay in the spring, I’d just have to wait another year, but only days after I took the eggs away, the mother began laying again. I harbored hope this batch would hatch, at the same time, not putting too much stake in it (so as not to be disappointed.)

But this week, I started checking periodically, hoping I might find something in the nest. And yesterday, before going to the movies – nothing… but we we came home, low an behold, a little bird had just hatched. I was thrilled. I eagerly watched the other 6 eggs, hoping to see little birds spring into the world, but 24 hours went by and nothing. I wondered if perhaps that one little baby was going to be the bulk of my lovebird windfall. I worried that the baby would be lonely – that makes it hard to separate the chick from the mother later.    
Then, suddenly bird number two was there. Yippee…. 

I know enough about birds and how they lay, sit and brood from my Georgia days to understand that the mother had laid an egg a day, and because she was already broody, she began sitting immediately rather than waiting for the clutch to gather (which would assure the eggs all incubated on a similar schedule). So I suspect now an egg a day will hatch. Kinda like the 12 days of Christmas – a gift each day. This means my anticipation of how many eggs survive and thrive will be a long drawn out experience. A very good test of my patience (which I have far less of than I should.)

The pictures make these birds look not unlike a baby chicken or something, but the nesting box is only 8 inches square, and these babies are only the size of a lima bean. They are remarkably small, naked and looking surprisingly “unfinished” when you consider what a self sustaining bird looks like. I am awed by their delicate venerability and how weak and helpless they are (unlike a baby chick that is running around all fluffy 6 hours after hatching.) But today I see these baby lovebirds are starting to fluff a bit already, so I’m guessing that it won’t take long for them to become more independent and strong enough to move around more than what they are doing now, which is simply to shift slowly when I disturb them and mother moves from keeping the warm. (I really have to have some self control and not disturb them very hour…..shame on me for wanting to look ever chance I get.)  
I will let the mother feed them for a month or two, and when they are strongenough, I’ll remove them from the nest and hand feed them so they grow up extremely tame. You can teach lovebirds tricks like any parrot. Of course, I gotta try that! I’ve spent more than a few nights looking at Youtube lovebird videos, marveling at how trainable and entertaining these smallest parrots can be.
Neva and I were talking names last night…. if all seven eggs hatch and survive I could name them after the Chakra’s – only the babies will all be similarly rainbow colored, so that doesn’t really fit or make it possible to tell them apart (the way it would if they each were a different color) and most people would have trouble remembering or even pronouncing the Chakras…… (Muladhara, Svadhisthana, Manipura, Anahata, Visuddha, Ajna, Sahasrara… kinda like talking with marbles in your mouth….) I also don’t intend to keep all these birds, and no one wants to break up a chakra set… might cause bad karma. 
I could name them after the seven dwarfs, and considering how tiny they are, that makes sense. But who wants a lovebird named Grumpy or Sneezy? 
I think I’ll just name them after famous authors…. Neva will enjoy helping with that…. or pick names that represent positive affirmations or something. Maybe I’ll name them Thing 1 & Thing 2. And Thing 3 – 7 as the case may be.

Anyway, I’ll post more pictures as they hatch and grow to share the miracle. All I can say is watching the process of life unfold and witnessing new creatures find their place in the world is the most inspirational and thought provoking thing ever, at least to me – be it a baby horse or llama, little chicks or peacocks, or  (most especially) having gone through the experience of being pregnant and bringing beautiful, unique people into the world 3 times – life is fascinating. I am deeply grateful I’ve had the opportunity to be witness to the process again and again – that Iwas blessed to feel life inside me, and I’ve been an appreciative observer of other births. Life feels more poignant when you pause and honor the beauty in life’s cycle and recognize you are a part of it.

    

The day after my recital, David and I took off to North Carolina to work on his boat – a 42 foot Whitby ’85 sailboat he bought 4 years ago with plans to retire and sail around the world. As is the case for many of us who have had dreams of life going one direction – then being sideswiped by an economic crisis and an unexpected divorce, his world took a sad turn. When the economy fell, so did the value of cruising boats. The boat cost almost as much as our house, so as you can imagine, it has been a burden to sustain, not to mention a painful reminder of a dream gone bust. He has wanted to unload this beast, but he just hasn’t had the time or resources to finish the projects he began when he started to upgrade the boat to ready it for a worldwide cruise, and until the boat was put it back together, he couldn’t list it with a broker. David has the skills to remodel, revamp, rewire, and re-plum the boat, but a much needed job opportunity abruptly moved him to Florida, so he left the project unfinished. With David in Florida and the boat in North Carolina, the boat became a stalemate situation.  Saddest part of this story is, David never got a chance to put the boat on the water. Just as he was ready to launch her, his marriage fell apart and his plan to spend a few years exploring the world and writing about it went by the wayside. Now, he has had to pay for the boat for years, but sans the benefit of enjoying his investment. He has not once experienced the joy of spending a day on the water with wind in the sails. Sad.

The boat was financed under his wife’s name, so technically, David could have dumped this problem on her long ago, or let the bank foreclose (dumping his responsibility as so many people do when the numbers don’t add up to their advantage). He could have revisited his initial agreement to his ex and asked her to take on half of the responsibility since unloading the boat has dragged on years longer than they expected when they parted ways. But David has never reneged on a promise, and he is responsible to his debts and contracts, so he diligently chose to live with the stress and responsibility of this sunken dream despite how it has hindered his efforts to get his own life back on tract. Trust me, it hasn’t been easy for him. Harder still after he met me because once he had a new, future spouse, new dreams immerged, making the weight of old baggage feel much heavier.
  
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I too have been frustrated by my boyfriend being saddled with a boat we can’t use slowing up our opportunity to build a life as a couple. There’ve been plenty of days when I secretly wished he was a bit less honorable and not so willing to carry everyone else’s load  … but the truth is, witnessing his integrity and how he treats others, (especially his ex) as well as seeing how he handles his responsibilities has been a huge factor in why I love him. Plenty of men talk with sudo-sensitivity of the things they intend to do someday, or would do if only they didn’t have to deal with “fill in the blank”. Plenty of men make excuses to validate their self-serving choices, casting blame on others, acting the victim, or using the economy or a divorce as an excuse to bail on responsibilities. But David has handled all of his problems with grace, tackling his problems head on – no excuses, no justifications, just patience, acceptance and a down to earth ego that allows him to admit he has made some mistakes and as result, it is his task to pay for them without resentment. Watching him handle his problems has given me the opportunity to see just what he is made of, so I guess it is fair to say this boat, while a burden on one level, has been a gift too. It has shown me I can trust this man to do the right thing – to me, to others, to creditors and to the world at large. David has incredibly good karma, if you believe in that sort of thing. (He says living right and true is why he’s been rewarded with me… awwww….) 

Anyway, while it is all well and good that the boat has taught us both important lessons about loyalty, responsibility, and good intentions, the damn thing still has to be sold. So, months ago I encouraged him to sacrifice a week of his vacation time to attend to the business of finishing this boat and getting it up for sale. At first, David was resistant- he didn’t want me to feel put out having to give up our scant, valuable free time to tackle more work. He felt we need and deserve a vacation (which we do).  But I assure him the most likely path to having a great deal more free time, as well as the money and time to take a real vacation later I (to Ireland) would be by biting the bullet now and do what has to be done now to clean up the residue of our former lives. He agreed, so I took the week off from my business as well, scheduling my teaching and child care around this high priority project, we put money aside for the trip, and the day after recital, despite our exhaustion from months of working 7 day weeks, we drove 13 hours to Oriental, NC to take on yet one more problem that needed to be solved.
 
I was deeply curious about what this infamous boat would look like…. unsure just how much would be involved with getting it ready to list on yacht world. It was bigger than I expected. Dirtier (because of a recent storm that left every outside nook and cranny filled with black leaves and dirt) and filed with so many tools and parts you couldn’t walk inside. But looking at that huge floating money pit and knowing its history, I was also floored by the reality that not long ago, David bought this big, substantial boat with brave intentions to sail around the world. That speaks volumes about his wanderlust and sense of romantic adventure – about the way he craves any opportunity to live large and design a creative life based on heart-driven goals.

He showed me around and I was impressed with his upgrades. He had already replaced the small stainless sink in the kitchen with a full size ceramic sink, and installed bigger sinks in the two bathrooms. He installed a microwave and repaired interior shelves. He had removed old Formica counters in the kitchen area and now the surfaces were beautifully tiled and butcher blocked. He had replaced cushions and designed creative methods to store things or make areas feel roomier. As David began opening hatches, assessing mechanical issues and organizing tools (grumbling when he found things missing that he had counted on using for the week’s work), I sat on the deck, imagining the sea splashing up against the sides of the boat, imagining the sails flapping in powerful winds, and the roll and sway of a boat on deep ocean water. I imagined David at the helm, employing the skills of navigation, sail craft, and the research involved in planning routes, handling customs, docking, keeping safe on the high sea from pirates or storms, language barriers, and all else that would be involved in a life aboard a sailboat full time. David is a smart guy with diverse skills. But still……as I considered the bravery and competence required to pull off this dream, I was deeply impressed.
    
To put this boat on the market, David had to rewire some of the electrical connections. He had to finish upgrading the plumbing in one of the two heads. He needed to work on the engine, install hardware, refit safety rails, and finish some woodworking, replacing old peg board with beautiful teak wood in cabinets. In other words, David had a great deal of skilled labor chores to attend to. So, my role was to be the grunt worker. I immediately set to my job of cleaning – scraping leaves out of the upper areas of the deck and scrubbing decks and floors inside and out. I cleaned some pretty gross stuff out of storage hatches, attacking mildew and alga.  At one point, David handed me a sander and showed me how to revive the teak and oil the raw surfaces. I was intimidated at first, but quickly took to the task. My feet burned from the hot deck surfaces, I got sunburnt all over, and it got old climbing up and down the ladder to get onto the boat or into the galley to retrieve something he needed from the truck. But every once in a while a cool breeze wafted by. I could see beautiful sailboats docked nearby. All of this inspired me to keep at it.

It was unusually hot in North Carolina that week. With the outside temperature hovering around 96, the boat inside climbed to 112. But we kept at our chores, sweating, dirty, tired, but in a positive mood as we watched the former mess take shape and begin to look like the beautiful yacht it could be. I marveled that David never got short tempered and never complained, even when he was hot, frustrated, and his hands became raw from working with the tools in tight places. We guzzled cold waters from our cooler, and laughed at how our hair stuck to our scalp and our clothing became black with grease or mold or whatever we were exposed to in a given hour. I suppose a full week of hard work in the heat might seem a drag to some people, but I took it as yet another opportunity to see my boyfriend under pressure. As a matter of fact, we worked together so well, that I ended each day feeling excited, thinking that if we can accomplish this much with a boat that in the end, is not for us or about us- just imagine how much we will accomplish when we turn our skills and attention to a project we both love and want!



I felt badly witnessing David’s dream, knowing he came so close to his heart’s desire and had to let it go – more so when the boat started to gleam and take shape. We discussed keeping the boat – moving it to Sarasota so we could take a few trips to the keys or something before he sells it – or perhaps he should never sell it. But the fact is, he doesn’t want this boat anymore. It has bad memories for him. And when we first started dating, I made it clear that I might not be the perfect match for him because I get motion sick easily and while I would love a grand life adventure, I do not believe I could handle long sails, and while I long to travel, I’d never be happy living on a small boat for a year or more. Life has taught me that I am the sort of woman who puts her partner’s dream before her own happiness – to the extent that I will live miserably if I think it is the way to make my lover happy – so early in our relationship I wanted to opening talk about our different ideas of the perfect life- before we ever got to a place where our deepest desires conflicted, perhaps we should discover if we have a different idea of nirvana…. But from the start, David insisted that sailing the world on a sailboat has been a dream, but not the only dream he’s had, and not his highest priority dream in any way. His highest dream priority is building a relationship with a smart, compassionate, talented, fun woman, and to have an authentic and loving marriage that will lasts the rest of his life. In other words, he rather have a woman like me and no sailboat than compromise on a “good but not deeply passionate life love” and a have life of sailing…
So, from day one, how we both feel about this sailboat has been on the table….. 

I should mention here that I do love boating. I’ve always wanted a boat. I love the romance and organic nature of a sailboat too if only I had the stomach for it. I love the water and travel. Actually I made a deal with my former husband that I would only sell our business if he agreed we could invest some of our money in a recreational “toy” – and at the time, I was talking about our getting a boat. He agreed, so I began looking at ads for boats – even dragged him to see a few. I desperately wanted a life that wasn’t all about putting every cent we had into a house and never having adventure or travel or fun. But for reasons I won’t go into here, I couldn’t make that kind of life manifest with him, despite 20 years of trying. Even when we had total freedom and a wealth of resources to design a life that included leisure, play and adventure and despite promises and sincere expressions that he wanted a boat too– I could never get him to say yes to even a used, old pontoon. He just wouldn’t devote any energy, time or resources to anything beyond his obsession to have a picture perfect home that absorbed every resource (and more than we had) leaving us stressed and homebound over and over again.

Because of my marriage history, a part of me wants David to keep his boat desperately. I don’t just crave a diverse life that has some fun built in, but I now HAVE to experience a more balanced, adventurous lifestyle to ever trust my life with a new partner will be all it can be – I don’t trust the endless talk about what we will do later when things are less stressed or money is less tight, no matter how sincere or exciting it sounds. I need to see things happen – not theoretically, but in actuality. David knows, I won’t get married until the things we have discussed and dreamed and aspired to as a couple manifest – or at least part of the way. I’ve lived a lifetime of broken promises and plans that are destroyed unnecessarily. No more, please. I’m a bit gun shy on life commitment as result…

Anyway, David and I both agree that while we definitely both want to get a boat someday, it shouldn’t be this one and our time for investing in a boat isn’t now. Not to mention, David still has a 27 foot sailboat in Sarasota in storage that we are also refurbishing to sell or keep – whatever we choose when the project is finished. (Another story.)
Anyway, we spent a week working for as long and as hard as we could and in the end the boat looks fantastic. It is now listed and getting showings. Hopefully, it will go fast.

David did all he could to make our work trip fun.  We stayed in a charming Victorian Bed and Breakfast (more on that later – because that sparked a very cool idea…).

We took walks on the peer and looked at boats as dusk fell. We ate dinner on a rooftop restaurant, sipping margaritas under the stars. We even took an afternoon break one day to escape the heat and restore our energy and drove to a nearby family restaurant to down a pitcher of Sangria, sharing stories of our past with boats and the peculiar challenges of life in a small town, and how frustrating it is to get so close to your ultimate dream and have it disintegrate unnecessarily….. While our life experiences have been very different, the themes have been very much the same.
We talked about bed and breakfasts we’ve stayed in before – David has been in many more than I – and what we love about a novel travel experience.

And as we talked, we hatched an idea for a dream of our own … opening a bed and breakfast called the Zen House – on 5 to 10 acres – a yoga-esque place that would be a companion business to ReFlex offering retreats and a novel lodging experience (while also allowing us to live a higher lifestyle and build capitol for our future retirement…) It would include freestanding outbuildings for lodging, Zen gardens, and a star observation tower and other things we are qualified to build and organize. As this new idea formulated–  we started doing research on the internet, taking notes and discussing practical aspects and financing and how to make a dream a reality….. We researched code restrictions, Sarasota County incentive plans, bed and breakfast organizations. WE listed our skills and what makes us uniquely qualified to run such a business successfully. We bought books on Amazon to read about opening a bed and breakfast – all of this right from the car while we took turns driving. Ever since we’ve been home, we’ve continued the research, viewing property – seeing a few places with a realtor (one we were crazy for – it was perfect but a bit pricey) and we’ve considering what we can do in my current business and at his work to prepare for the possibilities of future financing, managing the work, scheduling our days to fit more in… etc…….. I’ve started writing a comprehensive business plan….
 
Who knows how far we will take it. Perhaps we will really follow through and open a new business together, creating a life filled with the things we love (Zen gardening, cooking, yoga retreats, writing, nature and organic gardening, living on a big piece of land where David can have a workshop and I can raise some veggies and chickens too) Perhaps this is the path to supporting a richer, more diverse lifestyle that combines business and pleasure, country and city. We can build a home based business while I keep Reflex and David keeps his job, and in future years we will have it up and going to transition to semi-retirement when we will garden, cook and write. Or, our research and crunching numbers will reveal that a bed and breakfast, while romantic in theory, is not the best direction for us to go. But it has been fun allowing our imagination to soar and exploring all the possibilities and potential. It has been fun seeing how efficiently we work as a couple – how our shared practical nature and combined artistic sense make us idea driven, yet we have the wherewithal and work ethic to make ideas a reality too.
 
All I know is, as one door closes another opens…..
I love that about life. 
 
 

It’s that time of year. Work gets crazy. I’m filed with inspiration for new programs and/or ideas  for evolving my current program, but implementing them by next season demands I organize & promote now. I’m making important decisions about next year’s dance schedule, planning a year in advance for my yoga trainings, and considering summer programs too.  I’m trying to get a new corporate program off the ground, and an outreach program to put yoga classes in the schools.  At the same time, I’m producing a recital, evaluating my current students, and finishing up the labor intensive project of closing this season to begin anew.

I’m not complaining. I love my work – I love the creativity involved and the diversity of projects and tasks. I love the people and the promise I feel in this diversified school where I get to interact with children and adult students, yoga and dance. I enjoy the offshoot projects too…. I love all the new things I’m learning. I just wish there were more hours in the day, because I have more inspiration and ideas than I have time to manifest.
I get up every morning at 5:00 or sooner to begin my day. I’m excited by many of the things I’m doing and, considering how hard it was to face my personal demons to reenter this business and the two years of humbling frustration that ensued, I’m deeply proud and appreciative of how my professional life is unfolding at last. It’s been a long, painful two years,  so to say I’m looking forward to a short break after the recital and before diving into my summer yoga training is an understatement.  I could give you a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t take a week off – everything from not being able to afford it, to the opportunity costs of stopping the momementum at this pivotal time…. but I have always believed the key to happiness is balancing work and a rich private life. I never felt able to pace my world to live true to this belief before because I was pressed by influences beyond my control.  Now, for the first time ever, I can tune in to my instincts and personal beliefs and act accordingly. I can work hard without having to appoligise for it, rest hard because I’ve earned it, and feel good about both.
    Yesterday, I woke with the sun and worked on defining a detailed syllabus for yoga training. I knew I had to teach from 3:00 till 9:00, so at noon, I decided to put work aside and take an afternoon break. I asked Neva what she’d like to do and she said, “I want to get some sun.”
So I purchased us both subs and we took them to the beach. We picked up slurpies (her favorite) and had lunch sitting on a yoga blanket in the sand. After taking a half hour nap and marveling at the brilliant rainbow glow around the sun (part of an eclipse thing going on) we took an hour long walk  (part of our new health kick) discussing bathing suits and body types, school, boys, my yoga course and plans for dance next year, and a host of other average girl conversational subjects. It was a simple afternoon, easy and sweet, like a mini vacation. And I felt revived and ready to face more engaging work when I got home. 
Driving home, Neva complained about the freckles that emerge when she is in the sun, but admitted she loved the afternoon, so we  vowed to go to the beach at least two times a week. I know we may not follow through to that extent, but I’m guessing we will put in more beach time than I ever bothered to enjoy when I lived here last. I have come to truly appreciate the beauty living in a place like Sarasota offers.   
Working hard doesn’t have to be a drag, or a sacrifice, or something to resent…. and David is a huge help and supporter. Never complaining or acting put out by my being busy or needing a hand, he contributes with a smile, enthusiastic and filled with creativity. I guess since his worklife is more academic and corporate, he has a great appreciation for the artistry and freedom that comes with running a business that rolls yoga and dance into one blend of entertainment and education, health and personal expression.
On Monday I told him I really needed a T-shirt design for recital shirts for the finale and I wondered if he might work on Correll draw to help me with an idea. He asked me what I wanted and I told him that since we have a nature theme, I would love some kind of tree of life. 
“Wish it could be made of dancers…. ” I said in passing.
That evening I came home from work at 9, somewhat spent from endless rehearsals, and a bit cranky because I was tired beyond measure. He had dinner on the table, an incredible vegetarian stir fry (that Neva claims is the best thing she’s ever had, adding “Sorry Mom, but David is such a better cook than you. He’s the best I’ve ever known.” (I didn’t take offense because I agree.)  And on the floor in the living room were a dozen variations of T-shirt designs for me to consider. I have no idea how the man finds the time to do so much (and do it all so well) but I was thrilled, relieved and deeply grateful. 
We picked a design and discussed some alterations over dinner (there I was, scribbling on his nice copies – but thankfully, he did not take offense) and this is what we came up with.

 

 I said, “We could always say “The root of dance in Sarasota” at the bottom too, since that is rather true if you consider that almost everyone teaching in the area is a former student of FLEX. But I was kidding. I’m delighed with the students I have and I have no interest or concern with what other schools and people are doing in the area. I feel rather content with the integrity of my new program as it unfolds. No reason or need to lay claim to being the origin of others in this field, and frankly, I rather not have people make connections because, as time goes on, it will become ever more obvious how different this school is from the others. But the root comment did lead to some possible quotes to laugh about (in a very non-yogic way…I confess.) and that made dinner pass with smiles.

But dance is only one element of my world now – my true dharma, but one that leaves room for other connected interests. A few months ago, I decided to offer a summer yoga teacher’s training just to see if anyone might be interested. Summer is a quiet time at the studio, and a training program would be a great help in keeping things productive.  I doubted it would go, and yet, the fact that certification would be offered in an immersion format, completed in only 7 weeks, and the fact that I priced it lower than any other RYT training around, resulted in the biggest enrollment I’ve had yet. I’m shocked and delighted and fully charged. Each time I offer a training (this is my third session) I get more organized, defined and the program gets better. I’ve spent a month planning and reorganizing the material to provide a more suscinct and poignant unfolding of yoga. I can’t wait to begin, because I feel so prepared and excited by the new offerings and angles…

Yesterday, my office manager told me to stop telling people about my upcoming aerial training in July because so many people have enrolled that she’s closing the course.  I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll add another…” 
Sh
e laughed and said “When? From midnight to 8Am? Our schedule is full!”
She’s right of course. But wow, it is nice to see those programs, all of which began as a weak, limping obgligation, are now picking up steam, gaining a good reputation and supporting the school. 
So, I am working harder than ever, and some days I don’t know if I’m coming or going. But I’m deeply proud of the way my hard work and ongoing training is finally coming together to support my desire to live a creative life. Sure, I would have liked to stay retired, and still be living on 50 acres with the time and the opportunity to write seriously. That was my dream come true, one I’d been aspiring to all my life, and I left my business believing I’d finally earned the opportunity to pusue that dream and see what I could do with my fondest artistic desires…. but circumstances made that dream fizzle before it planted a single root. 
Owning a business in the arts isn’t easy, and it can be a financial nightmare, but I recognize and honor the personal growth that comes with problem solving so I know that returning to the world of dance and runing a small business is, in many ways, a very, very good thing. My current circumstances may not have been my first choice as a lifestyle, but it is a good choice given my options, and I recognize the gifts that lie in my challanges.
Meanwhile, yoga has taught me about balance and how to take mental breaks – to meditate and breathe and note my blessings, so every day feels poignant and filled with an abundance of opportunity to feel grateful. 
The fact is, I have allot on my plate.. yet I can still go to the beach for lunch. Or blog ….. There is always time for living if you make living expansively a priority and don’t put the “good stuff” on hold… The harder you work, the more “living” (your time off to pursue you personal hopes, pleasures and down time) feels vibrant and meaningful. The juxtaposition of the two make the contrast all that more dramatic.

Speaking of which… Hey – I’m late for work. I have a yoga class to teach this morning in 15 minutes! Ha. Leave it to me to be blogging about work so much I miss a class…….
Well, I said I am in balance, not that I am organized! Namaste, ya’all.

   
    A few mornings ago, I had my coffee on the roof of my house. The morning began as usual, with David handing me coffee on the porch and our enjoying the peaceful privacy of our jungle-like backyard before facing the day. We were discussing the progress we’ve made in planting, weeding and restructuring the front yard, and now, looking at the wild, overgrown back yard (which we haven’t had the time or resources to attend to, and won’t for a while) we started discussing options for what we will do someday. We both agreed that the best thing was probably going to be to clear out the mass of bromeliads and overgrown plants (since they obviously will never bloom and are way out of proportion) and start from scratch. We threw out ideas for stone patios verses more rustic mulched pathways filled with patches of Irish moss (his favorite), and whether we could and should create sculpted tiers, remove the awkward “extra” tree that cuts out the sun to make room for a covered arbor, and what we might want to plant in the shade under our favored, huge tree even now, just to make the back yard somewhat presentable until we can do a major overhaul.
   And all of a sudden, David turned to me and said, “Let’s go have coffee on the roof so we can get a better view of things.” 
   I thought he was kidding until he added, “I’ve got the ladder all set up. Put on some shoes and let’s go.”
    Far be it from me to say no to an adventure. I put on my shoes while he refilled our coffee cups and followed him outside. He zipped up the ladder with one hand balancing his coffee as if it was nothing and gestured for me to follow him.
   I took a step or two up the ladder, but wobbled and paused. Before I could voice my nervous-nelly concerns, he came down, took my coffee and led the way, now holding two cups, and thus climbing the ladder with no hands for support at all. I slowly followed, shaky and wimpy. I put my knees on the gravely surface of the roof and crawled forward as he walked upright, reaching his free hand out to support me to give me confidence. (He maneuvered with such ease and comfort you’d think he was a goat in his previous life. That or having size 13 feet and a history of flying is key to ultimate comfort high up in the air.)  He took a few pictures with his phone and gestured grandly, no worries about balance.  
    I said, “Be careful. People fall off of roofs, ya know and the gravely feel of these singles makes me think a person could easy to slip.”
     He chuckled. “Please. This roof is only 5 and 11. Not steep.”
     “How do you know this roof is 5 and 11. It might be 6 and 12… what do the numbers mean anyway…..”
     He explained how the numbers define the slant when roofs are measured then said, “I’ve been on plenty of roofs. So many that I can tell pitch of any roof by looking at it, but even if I couldn’t, I did the building inspection for this house and measured this roof when I checked everything else. So I know this roof is average, 5 and 11, and a very safe, sturdy roof. Remember, I’ve been up here to clean gutters, sweep leaves and to check out our tree more than once. I couldn’t fall off a roof this flat even if it was windy and wet and and today is beautiful.”
     Since it was obvious his lecture wasn’t enough to get me to stand upright, he came and sat next to me. We sat a few minutes in silence admiring the blue sky, the gentle breeze and the way the sun glinted through the branches of our massive, beloved oak, and he gave me my daily nature lesson.
    David is forever teaching me about plants and gardening. He is not only deeply intellectual with a bottomless reserve of information about how the world works, but he is a master gardener, having received his certification while living in North Carolina. (Becoming a master gardener involves 6 months of 16 hours a week of classroom training as well as home reading and study, and a year of public service. David designed and implemented a public garden for handicapped individuals – wheelchair assessable – and then worked as a free consultant helping people & businesses maintain successful gardens.)
   To say David knows more about gardening than I is the understatement of the century. Nevertheless, David continually holds back from taking over the planning and planting in our yard, inviting me to take pleasure in the artistic process and encouraging me to learn as I go – even though this means a less perfect result than we’d have if he took over the landscaping project himself (and let me remind you that he dearly loves gardening, so I am humbled by his sacrifice in forfeiting the pleasures of outdoor artistry to share the process with me).
   Anyway, I am endlessly amazed at his lack of ego or effort to control our home, money, ME, work, family situations, our garden, and life in general…. He is active and involved, doing his part and beyond, but he doesn’t need credit or attention, and he has no need to be controlling and it would never occur to him to cut me out of decisions or input….  Yet at the same time, he is not without opinion or advice or a sincere interest (and appreciation) in how our landscaping evolves. He is readily available with answers if I have questions, is there to do any of the work I may not want to do myself, and he is never, ever critical of my experiments or choices, however amateur they may be. He has taught me about plants and soil and pruning and more and I’ve discovered gardening is such a pleasure this way, when you share the work and the joy.
  The first time I went out and planted a dozen plants without waiting for his advice (he was at work) he came home and simply said, “You planted the avocado tree you gave me for valentine’s day? I don’t suppose you thought to prune the root ball … the preparation is really important for a tree that size to be healthy and get established for long term stability and production… and that particular plant was rather special to me…..”
    I was like, “Um… you want to know if I pruned the root ball? I would have if I knew what a root ball was. I guess I shouldn’t have planted your tree. I just dug a hold and stuck it in the ground. I thought I was saving you the trouble, and trust me, digging a hold that big wasn’t easy. I’m sorry…..are you annoyed?”
    He smiled and said, “How can I get annoyed at you for being outside in the hot sun, working hard on our yard. I know how much you’ve missed your land in Georgia and you are trying to do some of the grunt work around here so I don’t have to . . . But, well…. next time, perhaps you’ll wait for me to do the big plants just to be sure they’ll take…. Especially when they are a gift …..”
   I got the respectful message he was trying to share loud and clear. Hands off David’s special plants….because he is too giving and supportive to ever voice objection, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t disappointed when I cross certain boundaries…
    Anyway, there we were on the roof. David carefully pointed out four different types of clinging vines weaving through the heavy branches of the tree, explaining their origins and unique qualities. He guessed the age of the vines and how prehistoric they looked and talked about perserving them when we got around to building our future tree house
. He discussed how we might want to design levels for the base of the structure or keep it one room, and  showed me places where the big limbs of the tree branch apart and create stress joints.
    He ointed out a redheaded woodpecker in the distance and a lizard up on a limb 20 feet above the ground. We discussed views and hopes for the long term for our home and life. We moved on to talk about his work and my studio and the boat he is trying to sell and whether or not I should throw out our lovebird’s eggs since they don’t seem as if they are going to hatch.
   We sat long after our coffee cups were empty. Our hearts and minds were full… full of ideas and lofty plans and inspiration and problem solving in regards to how and when we might act on all the things we discussed, because every good idea needs a bit of muscle, discipline and commitment to make a reality ….. talk is inspirational and fun, but we both know talk and action are two very different things…
      Anyway, now hungry for breakfast, we climbed off the roof. David gracefully zipped down the ladder with ease; I moseyed along awkwardly after him, like a manatee swimming in Jell-O. And as I touched my toes back to the back porch, I thought, it is nice to have my feet firmly planted on the ground again…
     And that, my friend, had nothing to do with the fact that I had coffee up on the roof….