Author Archives: Ginny East Shaddock

A perfect work of art


My husband and I are exploring a renaissance of art. This is not to be confused with exploring Renaissance art. That would involve going to a museum and looking at slightly overweight naked ladies painted in gold and brown tones, angles swooping overhead and all that rot. Not that staring at slightly robust naked ladies is awful, but face it, my husband gets to do that any time I step out of the tub, so it isn’t exactly a temptation to seek out more of the same.


 


By exploring a “renaissance of art”, I mean that we, personally, are diving into new, unexplored artistic regions. For fun. Stretching our artistic muscles. Our lives have always been somewhat artistic, considering we made a living at dance, costuming, choreography, and running a business with excessive creative thinking our only resource. Then, on the side, we were involved with gardening, writing. . . oh, the list goes on and on.


 


But now, we are a bit like children who have escaped one room they’ve been locked in for too long. It may have been a room full of great toys, but we’re ready to play with new things now. We have stepped away from dance, and the world is like this huge store filled with artistic wonders that we can pick up off of shelves to try on for size. 


 


It began with our new career choices. My husband dived into woodturning. He is wonderfully talented at it. And fascinated with the medium of wood, he is creating furniture and all kinds of other wood objects. I became immersed in writing – fiction, poetry, non-fiction. You name it. But those were our choices for our new vocations. Beyond this, we started seeking artistic avenues for fun too. We discovered the Campbell school. Mark took woodcarving and I took pottery. We returned for a course in storytelling. Out side of this, I took classes on jewelry making, wire wrapping and more. Mark took gourd carving. I even bought yarn and began crocheting again, something I haven’t done since I lived in New York (where last I lived and experienced a true cold weather.) Our hands are always nimble, working at creating something new.


 


This weekend, we took a two-day class on how to make deer antler baskets. Don’t laugh. They’re beautiful, complex and gorgeous. Mark made his perfectly formed. Green. It is striking in its tight weave and defined pattern of colors. I chose to attempt something more rustic, and I weaved more texture into mine, including a hairy, frayed rope and a copper brillo pad. Mine is the one pictured in copper and brown tones. Don’t laugh. My odd selection of materials worked. People in the class asked if I was an artist. Ha. Nope, just willing to explore. But I was pleased that they considered my imperfect basket “artistic”.


 


We came home with two lovely baskets for our cabin. But what was better, was we learned all about how to drill holes into the antlers (which were all naturally shed antlers, for those of you who wonder why I, a confirmed naturalist, would want to make something out of the parts of an animal.) We learned how to make rib bases, and then, how to weave. I used to make jokes when stressed at my business –I’d insist it was just a matter of time before they would lock me up in a loony bin where I would weave baskets all day. Ha. I had that wrong. I think going crazy begins with weaving baskets , THEN you need to be locked up in a Looney bin, because weaving a basket can drive you crazy. Really. It’s tedious and challenging all at once. It took about 9 hours to make our antler baskets.
 
We came home, and Mark immediately began another project out of some antlers he bought last year. Not me. I was ready to take a basket break. He plans to make several more as gifts for close friends and wants to get started while he remembers how. I might do the same, after a basket break but it would have to be for someone special – a friend who adores nature and art, – because these antler baskets, while pretty, are tons of work.


 


My husband and I miss dance. But we have a huge, ever growing list of folk crafts and arts we want to explore and this helps covers the empty spot inside where dance used to be. I’m signed up for a course in chair caning in April.  I figure, if Mark is going to make rustic furniture, I can make myself useful by learning how to make all kinds of interesting cained seats. That way, any furniture he makes for our home will be crafted by us both. (I’m a romantic, and I find the idea that we worked together to fill our home with things that have meaning rather than a price tag, rather endearing . . so shoot me . . I’m an idealistic sap).

I’m supposed to bring chairs to the course to work on, so I bought two old, wooden antique chairs at a garage sale and plan to refinish them in the next few weeks. I am planning to decoupage them so they are totally covered in this newspaper print I have from a romance flyer printed in the 1800’s. I found a penny press version of a romance paper, complete with pictures and great romance headlines and stories etc at an antique shop…. I will cover the chairs in this historical material, then put layers and layers of shellac on it so it looks as if the articles are under glass. I will then cain the seats and have something special for my new writing room. Perhaps I’ll shellac a table to match, and have it as a bistro set. The pieces will be all about romance, history and art. Such furniture suits me more than I can describe.


 


Let’s see, I want to take glass and fused bead making, and book making. I am determined to try spinning, dying and weaving and a few of those textile classes. Mark is worried that if I like it, I’ll demand a llama. You can make your own yarn from the fur of a llama, ya know. You can do so with sheep too, but a llama is more fun, and I am looking for an excuse to get one.


 


Anyway, our world is filled with art lately. It is in every corner of our home, a part of our days, and in our thoughts. For entertainment, we go to museums, galleries, art festivals or we take a class for hands on fun. It is all a part of our new art renaissance. Escaping the jail of our previous business and going wild in a productive way, if that makes any sense.


 


I suppose our art fascination will fade some as the weather warms, for I feel nature calling me now, and it has a louder voice than art. I am ready to hike the Appalachian trail, go kayaking, and tubing, whitewater rafting and camping. I have every intention of sleeping on our land in a tent in May when I believe our new colt will be born. I’m NOT going to miss that! Our blueberry bush is filled with tiny buds, and will spring to life soon, which means the only art I will have time for will be in the kitchen making blueberry splendor of some kind or another. I can cook something everyday and not make a dent in the abundant blueberries available on our land. I should know. Last summer, I tried. The only art we will have time for when the weather offers such choices, will be the avenues we’re pursuing by profession, writing and woodturning. The extras will have to wait.


 


So, art will rest, and we will turn to new adventures, the kind that are accompanied by bird songs, cool breezes, and a night sky, so black, that the stars appear to glow brighter than possible. Nature is god’s art, and frankly, it surpasses anything man can make. It certainly nourishes the soul as well, if not better. Eventually, when the bears hibernate, we will come inside again to escape the cold, and we will turn once again to artistic adventures as our pastime of choice.


 


 Just today, as I was coming home from a workout class, I decided to stop by to feed our horses. I actually missed them and I wanted to turn them out in the second field to eat. We have a hay shortage in town and I can’t stand that my honey’s don’t have hay to munch. Anyway, when I turned onto the dusty, graveled drive of our land, two deer were standing in the street. They paused, then lept to the side, paused again, and just stared at me. They were doe . (No antlers to make me feel guilty.) I sat there until they slowly ambled off, watching with a thrill I can’t describe. I can’t wait until our house is done and we move to this beautiful, remote, world of our own. I have hope that these creatures, and others, will greet me on my morning walks. And I bet then, I won’t need to pursue artistic ventures to feel that heart pounding satisfaction of creation.

Then, our very lives will be, what I consider,  a perfect work of art.


 


 


 


   


 


    

Making a Mess Can be Good For the Soul


As someone both artistic and practical by nature, I’m drawn to art with utility. Therefore, I thought a class in pottery would suit me. I wanted to make something with purpose and find out what nature’s most useful mud feels like between my fingers. Also, I confess, I have romantic visions of clay, thanks to the movie “Ghost”.


I guess you could say I had big plans. I wanted to make a cup.


    At $435, for a weeklong pottery class at the famous Campbell School of Folk Arts in North Carolina (plus the cost of materials and lunches) mine would be an expensive cup. To justify the investment, I announced to my husband that I was making the cup for him. This gave me incentive to produce something presentable. I was determined.


    My husband took a class in woodcarving at the school the same week. He was making a hand-hewn bowl and spoon, something that looks like a caveman would use for his Cheerios in the morning. The wood studio was conveniently located right beside the potter’s studio, so he could stop by throughout the day to say hello and lend encouraging advice. When I needed a break, I’d go to his class to watch him chipping away at his log (no advice from me, since I know less about woodcarving than I know about pottery.) While we were not together in these endeavors, it felt as if we were, for each lunch we came together in the big, family style lunchroom to share our experiences of the day. The week felt like one huge, art exploring date.


      When we were not together, I was meeting new people. The other students in my class were all enthusiastic, non-competitive, art-loving beginner potters too, and they spent as much energy “oohing” and “awing” other’s attempts, showing sweet unconditional support, as they did wiggling their nose at their own work. I fit right in, surprisingly at home when playing in the mud with my new friends. 


     You wouldn’t think I’d feel fondly towards an art form that strips a gal of her glamour, but I took to pottery immediately.  Not only are you muddy and wet throughout, but alas, your nails have to go. Ghastly!  It’s not that I’m pampered or spoiled, but losing my nails makes me feel like I have Fred Flintstone’s fingers when typing. I was working on a non-fiction piece for my MFA in the evenings, and let me just say, for once, the typos in my paper were legitimate. My hands were raw and sore from the friction of the mud spinning on the wheel all day long and the absence of my hard protective nails made me so sensitive to touch that each time I hit the keys of my computer, it was like hitting miniature funny bones hidden on the ends of my digits. Nevertheless, the joy of seeing improvement in my pottery each day kept me grinding away at the wheel.


    I’ve discovered I love the feeling of the wet clay under my fingertips. I love experiencing how subtle pressure makes huge adjustments in what I’m creating as I draw the clay from the base up the sides of a cylinder. I like how the pressure of my foot against the pedal controls the speed of the spinning, allowing me to determine how force and gravity will shade my creation. I even love the various implements and tools used to fix imperfections or decorate a piece in artistic ways.


     I now know how to wedge and center clay. I can make cylinders and bowls. I even practiced carving my initials in the bottom of my very own creations and came up with a pretty flourish of my initials to make my mark.


      The goop of clay is sensual. Sometimes, I found myself sitting, just focusing on the glorious sensation under my fingertips rather than remembering to work on my project. I’d feel the sticky mud seep into the tiny cracks and lifelines on my palm, massaging the pads of my fingers with forgiving pressure, the hands-on contact with art both earthy and satisfying. Pottery is natural, clay extracted from the earth, molded by man to make a finished product that is at once useful and striking. I was thrilled to be a part of that wonder.  


       I practiced eight hours a day, then went home exhausted, continuing to feel the wheel spinning under my hands, not unlike the sensation of getting off a treadmill where, even though you know you are standing still, it seems as if everything around you is racing. I felt out of time sync with the exterior world, however, my inner world, my artistic soul, was satiated.


     My teacher, Andrew Stephenson, is a professional potter with a MFA who also served two two-year apprentice terms with world-renowned potters. Another artist who works in the medium of wood and pottery, Matt, assisted him. Both are great teachers, demonstrating and explaining in detail what we have to do to successfully create a piece, then showing us what happens due to the natural errors beginners tend to make.


     First, they’d observed us trying each new skill, then they’d squat beside us, taking our hands and guiding them to adapt the correct pressure, angle and touch required to make something beautiful. On breaks, we viewed slides of their artwork found in galleries, and saw films about famous potters. We learned the history, culture and technique of pottery. All of this made the class much more than a lesson in how to make a cup. The teachers were not only attentive and caring during the class; but they woke in the middle of the night, scurrying through the cold to the pottery studio, to load and unload the kilns, making it possible to fit several firings into the single week. There commitment came across as encouragement, inspiring us all to stay focused.


       Producing pottery is a complicated process. Your creation can go belly up anytime during the many stages required to make a finished product. Once you master the art of forming the piece on the wheel, it still has to survive the trimming stage, the drying process and the first firing. If it doesn’t explode at this time, due to air bubbles or cracks, it has a second chance to go bust in the second firing. Then, having survived this half of the journey, your creation is now subject to luck with glazes and another go in the kiln. The chemicals react differently determined by the level of heat, cooling, and application and the result is always a surprise. A great potter is not just a visual artist, but a chemist, a baker and logician. Pottery is complex, creative, and experimental all at once. And fun.          


     I made seven owls, and two cups. I inspected each piece as it came out of the final firing, marveling at the differences in the glazes, how each one reacted differently dependant upon where the piece was placed in the kiln. It’s like each piece of clay, once molded, has a unique personality, modified and exaggerated by heat.


     I presented my slightly lopsided, thick, caveman style cup to my husband on Friday with no small amount of pride. It’s his favorite cup (or so he claims, as a dutiful husband must.) My pieces are clearly a beginner’s attempt. They aren’t great, but they’re mine, precious tokens of a wonderful experience    


     North Carolina and Georgia is home to the country’s most renowned potters. People come from all over the world to study here. Galleries, festivals and shops feature displays with everything from traditional folk pottery to Terra Sitillata, Porcelain, or Raku. I now have a new understanding of pottery and can pick up a piece in a shop and imagine just how the clay felt under the artist’s hands. I even recognize many of the techniques and different glazing styles used. I’m filled with a new appreciation for the craftsmanship involved, and will never again question the cost of handmade pottery, knowing how much talent, time and effort is required to make beautiful, artful, handmade containers.


    One week is only enough to get a taste of the art of pottery, so I will no doubt take another class someday, perhaps hand building, or glazing techniques. My husband, once a hobbyist potter, tells me that if I get “into” pottery, we can buy a wheel and kiln and build a small pottery shed by his woodworking shop. He’d like that, not only for me, but because he might visit and whip out a carafe or bowl on occasion, too. I guess pottery is an art that seeps into your soul. Even when you move on to a different art, you never forget the compelling feel of that sensuous mud between your fingers. I told him I might take him up on the offer someday, but for now, there are other interests I want to explore. The truth is, I’m not ready to live with Fred Flintstone fingers on a permanent basis.  


    Thanks to my positive experience in the class Mud Made Fun: Getting a Spin on the Potter’s Wheel, I may not become a great potter, but I am a new supporter of the art. I want to go to kiln openings and start collecting a few prime pieces in which to serve my ongoing “experimental” cooking. I’m convinced food will taste better from a container made with care. Beautiful handmade bowls will inspire me to make dishes worthy of the art that holds them and I look forward to setting a table that is also a work of art.


      The class is over, and I have put pottery behind me for now, while I go back to the demands of my everyday life. But, if I close my eyes, I can still feel the smooth, cool clay between my palms. Mud is simple. Magical. And therapeutic.


      Occasionally, I even borrow my husband’s cup, just so I can sip my coffee from something made by my very own hands and remember pottery’s greatest lesson. Making a mess can be good for the soul.     


     


      

Once Upon A Time, There was a Story to Tell. . .

    I think of storytelling as an art wedged in between writing and theater. It is embedded with history and based on simplicity. Considering these are all things I adore, I have been fascinated with storytellers ever since moving to the woods of Georgia. I dragged the family to a storytelling festival at the Blue Ridge Arts association a few months ago (which wasn’t very good) and continue to mark off storytelling events at area coffee houses, albeit we have yet to attend. As a writer, I am riveted with the idea of stories being passed on from generation to generation and I have toyed with the idea of learning how to stand up and tell a story orally myself.


    So, when we heard a radio announcement that the Campbell Folk Arts School was giving away two tuitions to an upcoming storytelling class (a weeklong intensive) because they are looking for more storytellers in the area, I was thrilled. I’d just taken a class on pottery, and my husband had taken woodcarving at the school, so we didn’t really have another free week to indulge in a new interest, (I fall behind with my MFA work when I play too much) but the opportunity to get a 450 dollar class -one that I lusted for – on the house, was too delectable to pass up. I called and put myself on the list, unaware that my husband had also called to enroll me as a valentines day present. When I told him I was going, he sheepishly explained that he knew I would love it and he had called to enroll me too. Now, I was enrolled twice. Not a big problem, I just dragged him with me as the other “Ginny” in class. He is a good sport. Storytelling wasn’t his primary interest (cause there is no wood in the craft) but he cleared his schedule and accompanied me just to see what it is all about.


      We had to miss the orientation day because we had friends visiting from Florida that were not leaving until after Monday, so we arrived on Tuesday. Then, we found that there were only four people registered in the class and the other two had decided to leave. One was sick, the other embarrassed when he discovered that storytelling involves standing up in front of an audience. (Duh!)  The teacher was highly qualified with lots of experience as a performer, published recordings and she even has a Masters in storytelling – now who’d ‘a thunk they made one of them darn things – It was an odd circumstance that so few people were registered. Storytelling is usually a popular subject, but several different classes were small or canceled at the Folk School that week – no doubt because of the bad weather and the fact that February is not a big draw in the mountains. Nevertheless, the instructor hoped we’d stay since she been contracted to stay the week, students or not. We were game. So together, my husband, the teacher and I, dove into the art of storytelling.


     We learned the folklore and history of the craft, and waded through many stories. By the end of the first day, we were taking turns telling stories, being critiqued and learning the techniques that make a story interesting. My husband and I were both very good, but that is no surprise considering we have theater experience and feel comfortable with public speaking. We selected a few stories to claim as “ours” and practiced them, perfecting them for a performance on Thursday night for the school participants.


   It is no surprise that the story that suited me best was a “Jack tale”, original folk tales brought to the mountains by Scots in the 1800’s. (Jack and the Beanstalk is one of them). These are tall tales with lots of exaggeration and humor. They suit my sense of humor and personality. (Its no secret I tend to exaggerate for fun)  Mark chose a fairytale, something with a poignant moral, which suits him as well. He is first and always, a teacher.


     The second day, we were told to select another story, and I smiled and asked, “Can I try an original story. I would like to see if I can do this with something I’ve written myself.”  Of course, this is what I had in mind all along when I thought of learning how to tell a story aloud.


    The teacher was pleasantly surprised. Not many people want to do something like that.


     Mark said, “It took you long enough. What are you going to do, the Lobster Story?” Damn man, he knows me better than I know myself sometimes.


    So I began working on the Lobster Story, figuring out how to tell it orally in under ten minutes. It worked beautifully. The story is embedded with moral and emotional messages. I was so thrilled to have this new way to share something that comes from within.


      When we performed, I chose a tall tale and my lobster story. Both went over very well. I was somewhat nervous telling my original story, I guess because it could bomb on two levels. The way I told it could be bad, but the story itself could be bad too. Yikes. But in the end, it was very conducive to this medium of entertainment.


     By the time we were through, we had the confidence and skills to do this anywhere and anytime. We have even thought we might offer our services at a few coffee houses nearby one day – we will be able to put together a fun program between us. We joined the Blue Ridge Storytellers Group, and we are now proud members of the National Storyteller’s Association. I even bought us tickets to the annual Storyteller’s festival in Tenn. in October. It is a big four day event. Seven tents are erected and each day the greatest storytellers in the country perform. They even have midnight ghost tales for those willing to stay up. Gotta love it. We will just go for the weekend – don’t want to burn out the family on stories first time out but I am sure the kids will love it. Fall is a wonderful time for new experiences in the mountains.


     I have begun collecting old folktales. I am thinking I will try to design an independent study of the art of storytelling for next term for my Creative Writing MFA as my interdisciplinary course. I think Storytelling goes hand in hand with writing, and I’d love an excuse to delve into the history of it more.  I can write a paper about the festival, produce my nifty certificate from the seminar, and do some reading. I am guilty of trying to find utility in my every endeavor. This way I can pursue this new interest with conviction. “I HAVE to read this (or go there) cause it is my HOMEWORK.” Yep. That alleviates guilt every time.


      In the meantime, I’ve explored something new and enjoyed all the delight that comes with learning I have undiscovered talents. And if nothing more, I am ready to entertain friends around the bonfire or when camping now. I have a wealth of stores to share, some that have been passed down for generations and some that are uniquely mine. Fun!


    And the best things is, stories are infinite . . . and now, I have one more reason to dig them out of my soul!   


     


  

Kathy’s problem

I had to take a week off from working with Kathy because I was enrolled in a “Storytelling” class at the Campbell Folk Art School. (More about that later). I arrived on Monday for our lesson a bit early, because I wanted to make some new flash cards for her to take home. I planned to introduce new material, to make up for the lost week. But she didn’t show up at 11:00 as expected. 

I wasn’t too concerned. I thought, with a week off, she might be out of sync or have forgotten. Still, I didn’t want to leave the college without being absolutely sure she wasn’t going to come. So I called her house. 

Her husband answered the phone. I could barely understand him because his accent and diction was so bad, but I heard enough for him to tell me Kathy was not on her way. He was supposed to have called me, but he’d forgotten.

He explained.  Kathy is in jail.

He said she didn’t do anything wrong – yet she broke her probation. I didn’t ask for particulars (considering I couldn’t understand them even if he gave them to me.) I asked when she would be released. He said maybe next week. But then again, they might just keep her in there for five years!

I hung up. Then, I cried.

I was so upset. I know this has nothing to do with me, but Kathy has been honest with her “problem” and she seemed so determined to work on reading and to change her life. And I have been her cheerleader in this campaign. I took a week off, and she immediately slipped back into her bad habits. Worse yet, I had no idea what was happening. I wish I’d been there for her.

The directors of the literacy program just shrugged when I explained what was happening, and said, “This sort of thing happens with those sorts of people.” It didn’t phase them.

They asked me if I wanted a new student, someone without problems. I’m afraid I don’t believe anyone who can’t read a word can be considered “without problems. Besides which, that is like asking a child if they want a new puppy moments after their beloved dog has been squished under the wheel of a car. Ummm… NO! I want MY student. I want to help her. I want to change her life. I want to see her read – OUT from behind bars, preferably.

I don’t need a student who is “easy” to teach. I am not afraid of facing all the fallout that comes with illiteracy.  And not following through with a commitment doesn’t sit well with me. I told the women in the office that Kathy was upfront with me about her involvement with Meth, that she told me all about her probation, and that I didn’t care. I knew she was battling this ugly business from the start, and if anything, I admire her desire to read all the more knowing that her lifestyle (and wanting to change it) is one of the reasons she was willing to make the effort.

When they saw how bothered I was, and how badly I felt, they asked me if I wanted them to call the jail and make arrangements so I could visit and tutor her there.They have some pull, they explained.

Now, we are talking! I am going to wait a few days to see if this is a short term thing, and if she isn’t out by Monday, I’m going down there to talk to the sheriff (or whatever they call these country authorities).  I’ll drag my damn flashcards to the county jail if I have to to get the job done. Five years? Well, if that were to be the case, I’ll have her reading Faulkner before I’m done.  

In the meantime, I can’t stop thinking about Kathy, her ten year old son, and what it must be to live her life of disadvantage. All things considered, I’m not surprised she turns to drugs. Who’s to say what I would do, given such dismal opportunities from birth on.  

I guess something like this would put a lot of people off, but it gears me up. I would have made a great warrior, had I lived in a time where a real battle ensued. Now, if nothing else, I’d like to think I am a good friend. So, I’m gonna hang in there as long as I can, flashcards in the back pocket of my cheerleading suit .

Anyway, I’ll write more updates as they occur.

Sly, but respectable, Bunny

   Ever since the birth of our baby bunnies, I have been looking to see if the mother goes to visit them. It has been three weeks. I have yet to see her anywhere near the box, and let me tell you, I am sneaky about trying to catch her being a “good mother”. I go out at all hours of the day. Sometimes at night. She is always sitting still along side the box, acting totally uninterested. I bark at her to go inside and take care of her babies.


    She just stares at me as if to say, “Mind your own business.”


    Every two days or so since I discovered their existence, I have taken a small plastic spatula and moved some of the shavings aside to see if they have survived. Disturbed from their slumber, they scurry back under the warmth of the fuzz gathered there and I am cover them up again, delighted because they are alive. All three.


     A week ago, I discovered they had grown hair. One is pitch black with a white stripe down his back and face (we will call him skunk, of course). One is white with black dots and the other white with grey dots. Their ears are the size of my thumbnail. Their bodies stretch out long and bunch back up like a slinky. They even have that perfect white tuff at the rear that only rabbits (and playboy bunnies) have.


    Today, they opened their eyes. ( I stuck my digital camera in the box and took the shot hoping I had aimed at something. . . and this isn’t a case of photographic “red eye” , in case you are wondering. Nope. This particular bunny has pink eyes – thanks to me, he might be temporarily blind now, thanks to the flash in their dark, cozy world, but I couldn’t resist trying to capture them this young.) They are more active now, scurrying around in that box without my needing to disturb them to prove they are alive. They are gaining in size and look healthy. I guess we are the proud owners of FIVE bunnies now, and  I expect they will emerge from the box any day to start exploring the world.


   We need a bigger cage!


    I still haven’t seen the mother near them, but obviously, she must attend to this brood sometime. Perhaps she stays outside because she is standing guard the nesting box. She might act aloof to throw off predators. Should this be the case, my feelings are hurt. I am hardly a predator – I am the favored snack lady who comes baring carrots, cabbage and pepper almost daily! You’d think she would share the secret of her newborns with me, if no one else. Well, she has proven a good mother, despite our rough misunderstanding at first, and all my shouting at her, so I won’t complain.


     Spring is easing forth. The weather is glorious (58 today) and the sun is shining. A few dogwoods are blooming, and daffodils are beginning to open up all over the mountain. It is fun to celebrate this season with new life in the family – fuzzy, adorable, tender little bunnies that will be just old enough to give away by Easter (bite my tongue!)     


   If certainly feels like spring.


   I can’t describe my relief that our bunnies are healthy and growing steadily. It is nice to get some verification that we are good at this sort of thing. We have a pregnant horse, remember, due in only two months!


   I watch Dixie getting bigger everyday, her eyes growing a bit sluggish and her feet dragging. She doesn’t eat as much as she did (no room inside for anything more than that colt, I’m guessing.) But she is gentle with me. Sweet.  I am anxious about the big day to come when we will welcome another new life to our family – this one too big to hide under shavings.


    I promise, this time, I will not shout at the mother, or be so presumptuous as to think I can tell how to do the job right.


    We mothers don’t need counsel. We act on instinct. And we stick together. One and all. 

Be a Good Mother, Oh, Hare of mine!

   


    I spent this morning standing in my driveway, whispering a mantra. “Be a good mother. Be a good mother. Be a good mother.”


    I was not talking to myself. I was talking to our bunny, Bun Buns. She just gave birth to what appears to be three, snuggly, raw skinned, pink blobs. This is her third set of babies. None have survived.


    I have been making excuses for her. The first time, I didn’t even know we had babies until one (dead) was dragged outside of the wooden box and left exposed under the water bottle.    


   Days prior, my daughter had told me she thought something was inside the box, and whispered excitedly, “Maybe it is babies!”


    I explained that was impossible. We had two male bunnies, or so I thought. I was mortified to learn differently. We discovered several other babies in the wooden nesting box, all dead, and, disgustingly enough, half eaten. But it looked as if they had survived a few days.  I chalked their demise up to the fact that I didn’t supply proper bedding materials and I hadn’t removed the male. I heard somewhere that the male will kill a litter if left confined with them. Jealousy, I guess. The gnawed edges of the sadly discarded baby confirmed this theory.


    I apologized to my daughter for not responding to her early speculation, and began to watch the bunnies more carefully. I was pretty sure that if our rabbits procreated once, it was only a matter of time until they would do so again. Next time, I planned to be ready.


   I bought nesting materials and was careful to cover the cage to protect it from the elements, but several weeks later, I discovered babies again, already cold and still. We had been laying concrete for a hot tub, and the cage had been moved that very day. The nesting box appeared to be wedged against the side of the cage, prohibiting entry. I insisted that the reason the babies were dead was the mother couldn’t get inside to care for her brood, but my husband shook his head and said he was pretty sure she could have gotten in if she wanted to. I eyed the male with accusation, but couldn’t prove anything.                 


      We removed the dead babies, cleaned out the cage and refilled it with fresh shavings. I did not tell my daughter about the litter. She would have been inconsolable, and because I could protect her from the disappointment, I did.


    After that, I started watching the cage carefully. I moved the rabbits to the front of our cabin so that each time I came or went, I could do a spot check.


    This morning, I left to take my daughter to school and the cage was litter-less. When I returned, three babies were inside the nesting box, snuggled deep into the pile of shavings and clumps of shed fur.  I instantly removed the male to a second cage, thrilled to see the babies alive burrowed deep into the warm nesting box. Now, all things were in order for success, or so I thought. But, Bun Buns wouldn’t go inside to care for the newborns. I waited patiently, but it appeared she had no intention of going into that box.


     She had blood on her nose and the back of her tail, and I noted some bloody fur in the box too. It made me think of giving birth to my own children. It is a painful thing, childbirth, but it is filled with so much joy the pain doesn’t matter. It occurred to me that Bun Buns probably didn’t feel “joy”, and as such, giving birth is probably an uncomfortable nuisance.  She might even associate pain and discomfort to the nesting box, which further convinces her to steer clear of it. Still, instinct does prevail, or so it is supposed to, so I spent the morning watching, waiting for her to change her mind, hop inside and begin feeding her offspring.


    I sat on the gravel of the driveway with a cup of coffee for over an hour. The babies are cute, curling over each other as they seek warmth and nourishment. Guests are coming to visit tomorrow and I have so much to do it was hard to justify my compelling desire to sit and observe. But, I did, and I feel as if that hour will be my most productive of the day, because it encompassed everything I value in life right now – taking time to witness life, observe and relish it.  Unfortunately, the longer I sat, the more disappointed I grew.


   Bun Buns never went back into the nesting box. I actually shoved her inside once, but she promptly jumped out as if I was trying to hurt her. Perhaps being saddled with three needy babies feels like a punishment to her. Nevertheless, I prayed she would take responsibility this time.


     This is why I began the mantra, “Be a good mother. Be a good mother.”


     Don’t get me wrong. I really rather not be responsible for three more bunnies. There is the hassle of a larger cage, and separating the males and the females all so we don’t get overrun with bunnies overnight. Yet still, I desperately want them to survive. These are my daughter’s pets and I want her to experience the wonder of life. I want her to learn about responsibility and decision-making – those poignant lessons that are learned from this sort of memorable childhood experience.


     She will come home from school in a few hours and I am evidently aware that this afternoon will begin with delight, but might end in heartbreak. These bunnies will no doubt survive a day or so, but not much longer if Bun Buns doesn’t return to the nest. I could just avoid mentioning the babies to my daughter, who will probably pass the cage without a glance. Then, I can wait until tomorrow to see what happens. But, I won’t. I’ve decided not to sweep the truth away a second time. 


     I can’t protect my daughter from the harsh realities of nature. I can only explain possible problems, and help her to understand those things that are beyond our control. I can console her if the beloved baby bunnies die, and hopefully, she will learn something from that as well. Together, we will have to discuss what to do with a pet that seems enable to follow through on her motherhood responsibilities. Letting a rabbit conceive time and again, when we know the outcome is bleak, would be unfair, no matter how desperately my daughter longs for little bunnies to care for.


    With luck, the babies will survive. Bun Buns will suddenly have a change of heart or instinct will override her belligerence and she will return to the nest.  Then, we can watch our pink blobs grow hair and long ears, watch their eyes open and give them names like Fluffy, Thumper, or Snowball.


   I guess there is a lesson to be learned no matter what happens. In the meantime, I will continue to whisper my mantra in hopes that it will influence the outcome for the best.


   “Be a good mother. Be a good mother. Be a good mother.”


     Looking at Bun Buns leisurely sitting outside the nesting box, I have doubts the mantra is working. I am compelled to yell. “Be a good mother! I will if you will.”


    But, the truth is, I will, even if she won’t. I hope our new bunnies survive, but I am prepared to tenderly wipe away my daughter’s tears if they don’t. That is what being a good mother is all about after all, facing the difficult tasks of parenting, the awkward or uncomfortable things, even when you dread it.   


     I do not need a mantra to remember it.


A reverence for words – Teaching Kathy to Read



 I will love the light
for it shows me the way,
yet I will endure the darkness
for it shows me the stars.
~ Og Mandino


 


 


     I think I have a pagan spirit in my soul. Must be, for that would explain my absolute need to make an offering to the gods of art whenever I feel grateful for personal gifts.


     During my years as a professional dancer, I worked with handicapped students, orchestrated scholarships for foster children and gave dance lectures to schoolchildren, all in effort to “give back” to the art I loved. I felt I owed something to the consuming, fleeting art form that filled my world with so much happiness. As my career progressed, I began to associate my good fortune and long-term satisfaction with the artistic karma I developed because of my charitable artistic activities. Like a woman from a primitive culture, I didn’t factor in science (such as study or hard work) to the equation. I attributed my luck to the Gods’ of dance satisfaction with my performance, and by that, I mean my performance beyond” stage performance”. 


    When I retired from dance, I became a fledgling writer in an MFA program, and I found myself compelled to do something for literature in the same spirit. Dwelling in the literary world and focusing all my energies towards skill building seemed self-serving, so I called the Georgia Literacy Commission and volunteered to tutor an illiterate adult. Helping someone learn to read would be my offering to the Gods of literature and in return, I prayed they would bestow writing wisdom upon me.  


    It took six months until I was finally assigned a student. Apparently, learning to read is a daunting process. As such, few people step forward to tackle the handicap. Kathy Smith was one of those rare individuals determined to change her intellectual status and so, she became my partner in the journey to master words.


   The director of the literacy program gave Kathy an assessment to define the foundation level of her past education. Kathy recognized all of the letters in the alphabet and could sound out most of them with the exception of a few vowels. She didn’t recognize any actual words at all; not even a simple “it”, “me” or “cat”. I should have been intimidated by that reality, I suppose, but instead, it made the concept of future success all that much grander.  I, and I alone, would be accountable for Kathy Smith’s ability to read books. I found the concept romantic for it suited my idealistic reverence for literature.


      Kathy attended school through 9th grade, placed in remedial classes. She said she had a very kind teacher, but considering she made it through middle school without learning to read a single word, I would beg to disagree. I’ve always believed teaching is a responsibility, so I’d say kindness wasn’t served when Kathy was passed from level to level without basic life skills. Knowing her today, I can say with certainty that her self-esteem hadn’t been preserved by this “kindness”.


      I arranged to meet my new student at the college so we could get to know each other and assess whether or not we are compatible. It was as if we were blind dates meeting for a quick cup of coffee before daring to commit to dinner, but since I was as starved for a student as Kathy was for knowledge, the meeting was just a formality. 


    My sister in law said, “Why must you both meet at the college?”


     “I guess in case she is the dreaded serial literacy murderer,” I kidded.


     My sister in law grinned and said, “Or in case you are. Perhaps you are a fiend trying to wipe out illiteracy . . .  literally.” 


     We laughed at this, jovial about my impending project. I may not be a serial killer, but I was definitely out to snuff out one case of illiteracy and, not unlike Son of Sam, I was hearing voices in my head compelling me to act. A rallied cheer from the literary Gods calling me to bring one more believer to the alter of books, roared in my head.


        Filled with righteous determination for the task, I went to meet Kathy. She awaited me in the lobby of the Tocca Appalachian College office. Silently. She was positioned primly, sitting forward on the plush couch as if she didn’t want to dent the cushions. I could tell she was relieved to see me, but my arrival still didn’t make her any more comfortable.


     I  said, “You must be Kathy. Hi. I’m Ginny.”


     She nodded, pushing over as if I needed more than three fourths of the couch to settle upon. Perhaps she was afraid we might touch.


     She was wearing jeans. So was I. There was mud on the bottom of my pants leg because it was pouring outside and I’d just fed my horses. I’d planned to do this after the meeting, but I am guilty of forever trying to squeeze more into a day than is practical, so I decided to knock off the drudging task in the spare moments of the morning. As luck would have it, regardless of my attempts to stay clean, my horses and the pet goat didn’t care about preserving my studious image for the meeting.


    When I greeted Kathy, I gestured to my filthy boots and explained my upheavaled state. This gave us something casual to talk about; how real life often thwarts our intentions to make a good impression.  I explained that I wanted to arrive looking pulled together, but that my goat seemed hell bent on showing everyone the real me. She laughed shyly. I think my muddy jeans introduced me as someone who doesn’t mind getting messy. In retrospect, it was a perfect lead into our new relationship.  


     Kathy has long, silky, blonde hair. It was pulled neatly up into a perfect ponytail. She was wearing well-applied, understated make-up; all those pink tones that are so lovely on blondes. She wore a nice pair of jeans and a stylish top. It was obvious she made an effort to look nice for the meeting.


     She is 39. I am 46. Looking at her, sitting so properly on the leather couch, I couldn’t help but be surprised, because I looked far younger than she. She has pretty, hazel eyes and the kind of delicate bone structure I’ve always envied. But Kathy only has three front teeth on the upper bridge of her mouth, (none on the lower) and they don’t look as if they will hold up much longer.


    I sat there, trying not to stare at those rotting stumps, thinking of all the toothless country people jokes I’d heard over the years. I thought of comedians blacking out their teeth in skits on television shows and how I laughed like everyone else at this silly portrayal of “hicks from the sticks”. However, sitting across from this beautiful woman, who despite all the good aspects, looked older than she should because her cheeks were sinking and her lips were curling inward ever so slightly, wasn’t funny at all. My mind wandered. I couldn’t stay with the concept of teaching her to read. I was thinking, “How can I get this woman dental work too?”


    The romance of teaching someone to read slipped away as I faced the reality of a person so disadvantaged that, what I considered basic hygiene, was obviously beyond her resources. It was at that very moment I realized I would never be introducing Kathy to literature as I knew it. I wouldn’t be tweaking her mind with grand philosophical classics, or even exposing her to the kind of exciting commercial novels I sometimes read for fun. I would be lucky if I could just help her to function in the world with a modicum of competency.


     Where does one begin when it is obvious there is there is an overabundance of need? Since my expectations were obviously unrealistic, I decided to uncover Kathy’s expectations. With hope, they would be within the realm of possibility.


     I asked Kathy what her goals were. She explained that she has a son with A.D.D. and hoped someday she could help him with his homework. I knew there was probably more to her decision to tackle literacy than that, but she seemed to have “practiced” this response, so I decided not to push. Time would reveal more.


      I asked how she thought her life might change if she learned to read. She said she was tired of being dependent on others. She just wanted to be able to do for herself. She explained how stupid she feels when she goes into the grocery store and needs to ask for help just to find a can of something specific. She tries to look at the pictures to define what the products are, but often, that leads to purchasing the wrong item.  She shared other examples of how hard it is to function in the world as a non-reader.


     I listened, nodding as if I understood, but I couldn’t put myself in her place anymore than I could relate to life as a linebacker from the Green Bay Packers. I know nothing about football. I know it exists, but to me, it is really little more than a distant activity that flashes by my eyes when I am changing the channel on a weekend afternoon.  


     Wondering how she would get to the lessons, I asked Kathy if she had a driver’s license. She said, “Yes”, explaining that she passed the test, because there is a law that states the tester must read the questionnaire to those who can’t read it themselves. She gave answers orally and, thanks to the fact that she studied the rules with her husband, the  written part was easy. Unfortunately, she failed the sign test three times. While she memorized the shape and color of the signs, she couldn’t seem to remember the symbols (words) on top. The third time she took the test, she guessed well, because she got lucky and passed.


     I thought of my usual driving routes. There must be signs along the way, but apparently, I read them without being consciously aware I do so. If someone stole out in the night and exchanged the words like “stop” or “slippery when wet” on those signs, would I even notice?


     Not yesterday, but I would notice now.


     “Can your husband read?” I asked.


     “Only enough to get by. Not as well as he would like to,” Kathy said.  Her husband drains septic tanks for a living. He comes home exhausted at the end of the day, then he has to pay all the bills because she can’t help with those kinds of things. She doesn’t work, because he prefers she stay at home to take care of their son. It is not as if she has many fulfilling options for employment. Kathy wants to contribute more.


    When she spoke of her husband, it was with true tenderness. She talked about how worried she gets when he has to go into the septic tanks to clean them out. She bought him some masks at the dollar store, but he rarely wears them. Nevertheless, she thinks he has a good job. Great money. Ten dollars and hour. Recently, they discovered the other men working at the company get 15.00; nevertheless, they wouldn’t dare ask for a raise.


      She leaned forward and whispered, “He doesn’t have other skills to rely on if the company ever chooses to let him go”, as if it were a secret only she and I should know.


     I listened. Silently. Praying the Literary Gods would give me strength to contain my personal opinions and stick to the task at hand. I could do so only because I believed teaching Kathy to read would no doubt affect many elements of her life, like one pebble causing an avalanche. After the initial fallout, the landscape would settle again, but it would be dramatically altered; nature’s way of bringing things into correct balance.


    I told her a little about myself, primarily that I didn’t go to college until I was 35 because I chose a dance career when I graduated from high school. I told her I always felt stupid because I was raised in a sort of tunnel vision way, only caring or thinking about dance while my siblings and friends were learning more traditional things. For years, I thought I’d missed my opportunity to learn, so I gave up my secret wish to get a college education. But later, as dance started fading from my body with age, I decided to tackle school, (and my own feelings of incompetence) and I found out I was really smart. “I am even in graduate school now,” I boasted, while it never occurred to me that she probably didn’t even know what an MFA was. My story was a dramatic exaggeration of the facts, but it served to make, what I considered, an important point.  We can all learn at any age if we dare to try  . . . and if we face down our own mental roadblocks.


    I told Kathy that reading is really easy, but it might not be easy for her, because, just like me, she has 36 years of feeling it is beyond her grasp muddying the situation. I explained that older people approach new things with lots of baggage from the past and this interferes with how they perceive themselves, so it is important we both approach our lessons together as something new. We would have to work together to get past all the concerns and frustrations she is no doubt carrying inside, and once we do, reading really will become easy.


     My inspirational speech opened her up. She confessed that she has wanted to read for long, long time, even tried a tutor once before, but the teacher up and quit after two months. Kathy figured if the teacher didn’t care, maybe it was because she wasn’t worth the effort.


    I stared directly into her eyes and said, “I won’t quit.”     


    She sat up straighter in her seat. “Then, neither will I.”


    I told her I was available anytime, and we agreed mornings would be best. I proposed two times a week at 11:00 because it happened to be just when I would be coming back from working out. The convenience made it a practical choice, for I confess, I didn’t want my volunteering to become a dreaded chore that interrupts my day. (What can I say, it may not be noble, but it’s a fact that the more convenient it is, the less I might resent volunteering when I feel a time crunch) Kathy said she would be willing to work as often as I would. I felt badly by my own limitations, but I didn’t want to promise more time right away, due to school, family and my other special interests.


       Then, she shifted a bit in her seat. “I will meet you anytime, except when I am busy doing community service”, she said softly.


     I assumed, like me, she volunteered for a cause she believed in. We live in the Bible belt, so it occurred to me that, like many of the people in the area, her volunteer efforts might be connected with church.  I told her how wonderful it was that she was involved with community service.


     Sheepishly, she explained that three years ago she started hanging out with a “bad crowd of people” and got into trouble. She has to volunteer 100 service hours and report them to her parole officer. Whatever happened with that crowd (and I didn’t ask) caused her to lose her son for one month. She described it as the worst month of her life. Once caught, she was given the option to go back to school or do community service, and since she couldn’t read, school wasn’t an option. She’d been very depressed ever since. Now she had decided to do something about her life. And she wanted me to know the truth, before I found out later and disliked her for it. And quit.


     Ah. There it was. Her motivation for change. I congratulated the Literary Gods for sending trouble her way, all a part of the great scheme to bring Kathy to the alter of reading. Even though now I saw the alter not as a glistening beacon to unveil a higher intellect, but more like a small stump she might stand on to read the names of products on a top shelf.


    I assured Kathy that her legal trouble didn’t make a difference to me. We parted with a promise to begin in four days.


     Home, I told my husband about Kathy and all I had learned about her. I told him I thought it was awful that someone would volunteer to be a tutor and then quit, leaving the poor non-reader worse off than when they started.


     My husband said, “But I can see how it happens. After all, this is at least a year commitment or more, don’t you think?”


     I wrinkled my brow. My God, he is right. I thought. What am I thinking?  I never considered of the length of the commitment. I’d been more focused on what I wanted to do to help in the moment. The idea that the endeavor didn’t have a distinct end in sight was suddenly disturbing. I wasn’t so foolish to think the novelty wouldn’t wear off eventually, and teaching anyone with absolutely no prior foundation would undoubtedly demand a long, tedious haul up a mountain of words.  Was I up for that?


    In my mind I replayed the meeting with Kathy and knew the answer. I wouldn’t quit. Ever. There was a name and a face on my cause now. I no longer want to help with literacy. I want to help Kathy with literacy. There is a huge difference.


     I spent the weekend preparing. I studied a book on the different techniques used to teach reading, phonetics and such, and pondered what the most inspirational way to convey the information might be. I read about how the human mind processes words, and how reading is learning to connect sounds and associate meaning to them.


       I would begin by teaching Kathy a few “instant” words, these are words that a person must learn to recognize, rather than sound out. Apparently, 65% of all written literature is composed of 300 “instant” words. This means, if a person can read only these 300 words, they can still get by pretty well. After that, reading is a matter of vocabulary building. There are 600 important instant words that must be learned first and foremost. I made flash cards of the first ones on the list for the preliminary lesson. We would begin with the following:


and, a, to, in, is, you, that, the and it


    The words seem so easy, although I imagined memorizing random words would be hard without subject matter to string them together. So, I wrote Kathy a story, trying to use many of the above instant words. Her homework would be to circle all the instant words in the paragraph to help her recognize them on site.  As a writer, I was thrilled with the idea of creating my own , original stories for my student, even though I would have to keep it simple. I wrote:


 


“Kathy wants to learn to read. Reading is not hard, but when you first begin, it feels as if you are facing a big, steep mountain that you cannot imagine climbing. But, if you take it one step at a time, and keep your eyes on the top, you make progress and before you know it, you are up there in the sky, enjoying the amazing view. Sometimes, Kathy will not be in the mood to work at reading. Sometimes she will be in the mood and will enjoy the work. She must keep at it when it feels good or when it feels bad, because the top of the mountain is a very wonderful place to be. Once Kathy can read, she will be able to see far and wide and climbing up all the ledges of words and sentences and paragraphs will have been very worthwhile.” 


 


     I knew Kathy wouldn’t be able to read all the words in the paragraph, but that wasn’t important at this early stage. I would read the story to her, then let her take it home to work on. I also had my flash cards. I planned to string them together to make simple sentences. Soon, I was hoping we would get to three letter words and phonograms (taking a sound like “ell” and adding constantans to make words, like bell, cell, fell, sell, tell.) I was told she still didn’t recognize the letter x, so I devilishly planned to throw in words like “sex” just to make her laugh – I was determined to keep my lessons interesting with respect to her adult status.


     Next, I designed an “interest inventory”, a questionnaire designed to determine the things she was curious about. This would guide me to pick material she would be inspired to read. For example, if she liked cooking (or wanted to learn to cook) I could bring in recipes. If she liked movies, I could bring in trashy magazines about the stars (I have no shame regarding conquering her handicap.) I’d ask her where she would go if she could travel anywhere in the world, and then bring in an article about that place. All this, I believed, would give me fodder for fun little stories I would write for her too.


     As Monday drew near, I was anxious, but mostly, excited. I arrived at the college, early, my head swimming with enthusiastic ideas, my backpack filled with handmade flashcards and original handouts. I sat on the reception couch, confident, filled with no small amount of self congratulatory pride regarding my preparation and generosity of spirit.


     The clock ticked away, first for seconds, then for minutes, and eventually an hour had past.


    Kathy didn’t show up. 


    I went home, disappointed. I confess, I was disappointed for me, but as I looked at street signs and billboards passing by, and thought of how they were nothing but gibberish to Kathy, I was mostly disappointed for her. Not that the ability to read a billboard enhances a person’s world, but suddenly, I was vividly aware of the overwhelming amount of information surrounding her that was all beyond her reach.


    I felt her loss. I cried until the billboards were nothing but a blur, and I imaged the writing Gods crying with me.


    When I got home, there was a garbled message on my machine from Kathy with an excuse as to why she didn’t make our appointment. She called two hours after our proposed lesson. She said she’s see me next Wednesday. I stared at the phone, not happy as I might have been. I was suddenly leery of devoting further time to someone who sadly, was proving less committed to enriching her life than I. Yet, even though I was aggravated, I knew I would show up. I once read that success begins with showing up, and even if Kathy didn’t know it, I certainly did. In my typical, obnoxious idealism, I vowed to find that quote and put it on a flashcard, adding it to my ever growing list of reading assignments for her.


      When I pulled up to the college Wednesday, Kathy was leaning against her truck, smoking. She flashed a happy smile and called out a confident, “I’m here!”


      “So am I,” I called back.


     I was overjoyed to see her looking so relaxed and enthusiastic. Mostly, I was just thrilled that she was present. I gathered my teaching materials and sauntered her way, thinking she certainly didn’t look worried about whether or not I was going to show up. But, when I approached, I noticed her cigarette trembling. She was nervous.


     We went inside, found a conference room and settled in, then exchanged small talk for a bit. Eventually, it was time to start.


      I began by talking about the big picture in regards to what we were tackling. I shared what I learned in my research, explaining that people learn to read by a combination of phonetics, sight recognition and association. I outlined the kinds of exercises we would be doing and why. I told her that the fact that she went to school for ten years and never learned to read alarmed me, because obviously, something went wrong. “I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes”, I told her.


      “They just kept passing me,” she said.


       I told her that was sad, and if anything, it signified a problem with her teachers, not with her.


       She blinked as if that concept didn’t make sense. “How is that so?”


      I told her a person can go through the motions of teaching, but if they aren’t really reaching their audience, the lessons are pointless. I explained that a teacher can teach at a person or to a person, and one approach is very different from the other. Because of that, I explained our lessons had to be interactive. She had to talk to me and let me know when she was confused or frustrated.


      Then, I told her we would be taking tests, but we would not be testing her. We would be testing me.


       She looked uncomfortable. “You don’t need a test. You already know how to read.”


      “Yes, but we will be testing whether on not I can teach.”


       I told her that if she answered questions incorrectly, it would be a sign that I did not convey the material in a strong enough way. I would need to find another method to get through to her. I then explained that some people learn things better when they see them (visually) and others when they hear them (auditory) and that I would have to try many different ways to explain things until I learned just how to anchor the material best in her mind. I assured her we would not move forward until she was confident with the previously introduced material.


      I warned her, “I will keep coming at you from a new angle for long as it takes to make the information stick. Hate to tell you, but I won’t be passing you just for showing up.”


     She was sincerely glad to hear it.


    Kathy couldn’t read, but we were on the same page.


    We talked about her interests. She didn’t have many, a sign of how this disability holds one back, but she did express an interest in doing crafts. I was wearing a necklace I’d made myself, and we talked about how I went about designing it. Discovering things in common felt good.


    I asked her if she cooked.


    She said, “Yes”, so I asked her what she considered her best meal.   


    “Hamburger Helper,” she answered.


      I was surprised. “How do you know how to make it?”  


      “I look at the picture on the box and just guess.”


      I imagined having to be content with easy, quick fixings that might end up watery or “off” because all you had to go by was a photo on a box. I happen to be a veracious cook, so this information offended my gourmet sensibilities. Not being able to read meant a woman couldn’t cook either? Would the limits of this handicap never cease?


    I told her that in a few weeks she would have cooking homework too. I would bring her a recipe and all the fixings for something I think her family would like. She will have to read the recipe, make the item and bring some to me the next day for us to snack on during our lesson.


    She giggled shyly and looked at me from the corners of her eyes. “You’re kidding.”


     I wasn’t.


     We began with the first twelve instant words. She recognized about seven of them. She stumbled on the word “the” at first, then suddenly grinned and announced what it was. I asked her how she recognized it and she said, “The” starts so many sentences. I just sort of know it because I see it so much”.


    Good! I thought. Perhaps this wasn’t going to be as hard as I imagined.


     She could recognize “A”, “and”, “to”, “it”, “is”, “the”, and “or”. She could not get “that”, “this” or “they”.


    I said, “Obviously you are a person who has issues with “this and that” (it was a pun) which, luckily, she found amusing.


    I would plunk down my flashcards and say, “What is “THAT” word.


     She would shake her head.


     I would say, “Then, what is “THIS” word. And she would shake her head again.


     I lifted my eyebrows in a comical way until she abruptly grinned and said, “I’m dumb. You told me what the words were as you set them down, didn’t you?”


    “Not dumb, Kathy. Never dumb. You just need to get used to my twisted sense of humor.”


     “I’ll pay closer attention,” she said.


      Which thrilled me. That was, after all, the goal.             


     We polished off the first twelve flash cards, then added twelve more. She learned more than I had hoped for in that hour. She faltered a lot, concentrating hard, but she seemed determined to make progress. And watching her wrinkled brow, the way her lips moved silently as she stared at the words – it all made me want to cry. I was jovial and light humored on the surface, but inside, I was dying for her.


     I gave her one of my romance writing promotional flyers so she could show her son who her teacher was. I read the blurbs about my (as yet unpublished) books and said, “We won’t stop until you can read them”.


    She smiled shyly and said, “I hope so, I love romance.”


    I couldn’t help but think, We are a good match!


    After working with flashcards, I read her my short “Kathy” story. I said, “I know it is corny, but heck, that is why I am a romance writer after all.


    She got tears in her eyes. “Thank you. I really liked it.” It was a simple statement, but I was humbled by the sincerity in her appreciation.


      I told her to underline every word in the paragraph that we had learned today. I explained that real life doesn’t come on uncluttered flash cards so we have to be sure she still understands the words when they are imbedded in text. It took her awhile. She was slow, but very intent on getting every word she was supposed to recognize. She paused a few times, looked at me and said, “I don’t think I will underline this one because I’d be guessing.”


     I praised her for that. I told her she never had to guess with me.


      In the end, I gave her the flashcards to study and a second copy of the paragraph and I asked her to do the exercise again the next day. I explained that it might be harder when she did it later because she wouldn’t have an hour of flashcard practice prepping her.


     We put the lesson aside and spent some time talking about other things. I asked her if she was religious and this made her shift in her seat. I said, “Well, for the record, I don’t attend any formal religious services. I’m spiritual, but not religious in the traditional sense, so whether or not you are religious doesn’t matter to me. I just don’t want to bring in any reading material that might offend you.” I gestured to my romance writing flyer. “I write some racy stuff.”


     She beamed. “That doesn’t bother me. In fact, it makes me want to learn faster.”


     I was taken aback by  the realization that we were totally different, and yet glimmers of our sameness were undeniable.


      Then, she told me she stopped going to her Baptist church because it just didn’t do anything for her. We talked about religion for a while in an academic way. I only brought it up because, in the back of my mind I was wondering if she might want to read the bible. I’ve heard many people want to learn to read for that reason. Clearly, this was not a motivation for her, but I had to explore the possibility, just in case. 


     Finally, I sat back in my seat and said, “So, are you ready to tell me about your legal trouble?” She was feeling pretty comfortable with me, so she did. I won’t go into detail, but in a nutshell, she was caught doing meth and now must clean the bathrooms of the courthouse for four hours a week.


     I said it was a good thing she was caught and punished, because if not, something a lot worse might have happened to her or those she loved. I might not be religious, but I do believe God sends us a wake-up call when we need one. And I told her it is better to be cleaning a toilet then watching your life go down one.


    In the end, we hung out for two hours, our student teacher relationship curving in at the corners to establish a sort of friendship as well.


     I left thinking I might be teaching Kathy to read, but honestly, I will be teaching her a lot more in the process. And I believe the best thing about teaching, is that you learn yourself.


     Kathy and I have tackled five lessons so far. The addition of a few more “instant” words each time slows our progress up a tad more, and I must now face the fact that cooking homework and quotes are months away. I fear that even the Literary Gods will grow bored with the painfully slow pace of this project.  Perhaps they think I am a fool for undertaking what is going to be an endless, unenlightened endeavor. The glamour of this idealistic literary undertaking pales when one realizes that Kathy may never read a book. We will be lucky if she is ever able to fill out a job application.


    Even so, I feel more determined to stick with this task now than I ever did when the entire idea was dunked in glory. At night, I read Faulkner and Hemmingway, my mind swimming with great works of literature as I slug through my MFA. But I am suddenly aware that those great works of literature are nothing but words, 65% of which are simply 300 “instant” (simple) words. The kind of words Kathy will know by this summer if I make that happen.


   I want to be a writer, which requires I see life with observant eyes. Thanks to Kathy, now I am noticing not only words, but everything attached to them too, their meaning, message and impact. The wealth of words in our world is so vast that I am overwhelmed with the importance them and my pursuit to master them seems worthy of whatever sacrifices it demands. I will practice. I will study. And I will write with reverence for the written word because I see how precious it is now. 


    When I sit at my computer words flow, and I believe it is because I have earned that privilege. I am making a difference in the literary world, perhaps not by writing a national bestselling book, but by striving to help just one person to read one.  


    I think that art begins with having something important to say, and while I didn’t begin this project seeking material for a book, my experience as a tutor does give me something rich and wonderful to write about. What is most valuable is that this experience allows me to embrace the art of writing from every angle. I commune with words on a deep and meaningful level now, totally immersed with writing, from the simplest books such as See Dick Run to the most complex literary work that my professors demand I write annotations for. This huge range of awareness epitomizes my devotion to the craft; accepting and respecting all of it; the inspirational, the boring, the confusing, and even, the mundane.


     Pagan soul that I am, I have made my offering to the Gods of literature. The world may not know I am a writer as yet, but the writing Gods do, and I can’t help but imagine they are smiling as they watch Kathy slowly learn the first three hundred instant words, guided by an author who really cares. It doesn’t make a difference if those Gods reward me with the writing wisdom I coveted when I began. Knowing Kathy will learn to read is enough, for I aim to be the kind of writer who inspires readers.


     One way or another.